Moving
Rocks
“…That’s
how it is sometimes—
God
comes to your window,
All
bright light and black wings,
And
you’re just too tired to open it.”
Dorianne
Laux (recorded in Heart of the Enneagram, p.64; Library Partners Press, 2018)
Dorianne Laux’s poem
speaks of working too hard in the garden, moving rocks and then being too tired
to record a dream—one that spoke the truth to her. By morning, the dream had
turned to dust. Sounds like she missed her opportunity to hear what God had to
say to her, and, truly, she did miss it that time. But God doesn’t give up on
us so easily. Fortunately, if there is something Spirit wants us to know and we
miss it the first time, She turns up the volume until we can’t help but hear.
That’s how it is sometimes, too.
Some of us toil in the
garden way more than we should. My hand is up. I’m one of those. I move rocks
all the time. When I can’t move rocks, I move furniture, or I rearranged
everything in the house, or I cook more food than ten people could eat. Some of
us use work and busyness to keep from feeling our feelings. It’s the thinking
person’s way of running, numbing out. It works for a while—just like drugs and
alcohol work for a while. But then it doesn’t.
Lots of us simply hit a
wall, we have a close brush with death, or something happens that cracks us
open and the dam bursts. Then everything we’ve been stowing away, stuffing
down, comes flooding out. We are engulfed by feelings, and all we can do is sit
on the ground and cry. And believe it or not, that’s a very good thing.
In my experience, that
has usually involved the loss of something precious—a pet, a lover, an unborn
child. Something for which there is no emotional defense, and nothing can blunt.
We humans, for whatever reason, expect ourselves to handle anything and
everything. We think if we aren’t “strong,” we’re weak. If we break down, we’re
a failure at life. It’s not true. Not true at all. There is plenty in this life
to cry about, and tears are an appropriate response to loss, and to heart break.
What is not appropriate is going right back to moving rocks.
Let me speak from
experience—the fastest way through it is through it. Just let her rip, let the
dam break, let the tears flow and flow and flow for as long as they need. If
you can do that, you will eventually stop crying, dry you eyes, and get on with
your life. But you can’t skip that step. Healing sometimes requires emersion in
saltwater—a baptism of tears. God works like that, too.
In the Spirit,
Jane
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