So
Many Complications
“The
capacity to live with apparent contradictions and paradoxes lies at the heart
of transformation.”
John Paul Lederach (The Little Book of Conflict Transformation; p.53; Good
Books, 2003)
Does it
seem to you that we live in a time of escalated conflict? Is it just me, or
does it seem like everything is way more complicated than it once was? Some
days I feel as though all I do is unsnarl knots, only to find more knots.
Especially in the areas of life that interface with other human beings—which is
hard to escape. Here is just one example:
In early August, I
traveled up to visit my cousins in North Carolina. While I was there the
Spectrum bill dropped into my email—only, it went to promotions rather than to
regular email. I missed it. So, when I returned home, a notice in bold colors with
lots of exclamation points was in the stack of mail. I retrieved it, went to my
online bank account, and paid it. Five days later, the check, made out to Spectrum,
came to me in the snail mail. The payment was now two weeks late, so I called
Spectrum customer service to explaine and asked if there is a local office to
take the check to and pay the bill. They directed me to a store nearby, which I
then drove to. The store employees assured me they could not take the check nor
help me pay the bill. So, I went home again, put the check in an
envelope, drove to the post office, and mailed it to the address listed on my bill
pay. Last week, Spectrum cut off my TV connection. When I called them, they said
the bill hadn’t been paid. I assured them that it had, but they did not restore
service. Yesterday, I received a call from their tech personnel saying that they had been instructed to do a permanent disconnect. All of this for one bill. And
still unresolved. More knots.
Conflict
of one ilk or another has become constant—and every conflict is filled with
complexity and multiple frames of reference. Anyone who has ever served on a
board of directors or worked in a position that requires multiple authorizations
to do anything, knows the blood-pressure raising frustration of trying to get simple,
no-brainer things done. In the Little Book of Conflict Transformation, John
Paul Lederach says, “By its very nature, complexity in conflict creates an
atmosphere of rising ambiguity and uncertainty. Things are not clear. We feel insecure
about the meaning of all that is happening, we are not sure where it is going,
and we feel as if we have little or no control over what happens.” That is
a perfect description of what everybody is carrying 24-7 now. We are all
anxious and many of us, sleep deprived, and exhausted.
According
to Lederach, the key to transforming conflict is to practice trust and not become
rigid. “First, we must trust the capacity of systems to generate options and
avenues for change and moving forward. Second, we must pursue those that appear
to hold the greatest promise for constructive change. Third, we must not lock
rigidly onto one idea or avenue.”
The conundrum
for many people, especially those of us who are older, is that we don’t want to
spend our precious time unsnarling knots, but feel we have no choice. The
temptation is just to cut the cord and watch the balloon float away, taking its
complexities with it. Letting go is, after all, the primary task of this life stage.
Instead, we look toward tomorrow, praying for new energy and new options, while
dropping the commitments that cause us the most inner conflict.
Shed responsibilities
that deplete you, so that your time and energy are freed up for the things you
truly want to do. Life is too short and too sweet to spend it in frustration.
In
the Spirit,
Jane
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