Human
Relationships
“May
the warmth of complexity shine on your face.
May
the winds of good change blow gently at your back.
May
your feet find the roads of authenticity.
May
the web of change begin.”
John
Paul Lederach (The Little Book of Conflict Transformation, p.71; Good Books;
2003)
“Conflict,”
according to John Paul Lederach, “is normal in human relationships and conflict
is a motor of change.” We certainly have seen this in real time for our
entire human history. Even before the Roman Empire, until now conflict has been
the instrument for societal change. Whether within families or communities or
nations, conflict is the driver of change for better or for worse.
Even if
conflict is "normal," it doesn’t have to be violent or disrespectful. Lederach
says that when we decide to pursue social change, we need to establish the
rules of engagement, or as he calls them a “framework that includes inquiry,
provides lenses to see what is happening, and offers tools to help us think
about constructive change.” There has never been a greater need than now
for gifted negotiators, ambassadors with finesse, and individuals with creative
problem-solving skills and the ability to speak clearly.
Any of
us who've ever been a member of a decision-making group, whether at church, at work, in our community organizations, or in our families, know full well that there
will be differences of opinion—always. The way that we handle those differences
determines the outcome more than the issue itself, or which side we stand on. We
can state the reasons we support our personal choices, and then listen to
the other’s reasons, or we can shout insults and widen the abyss between us. Whether
we are involved with another individual, an organization, or our family, it
will help if we can keep the discourse civil.
What we
are seeing today, as we have seen in the past, is the microcosm reflecting the
macrocosm and vice versa—or as the Native American proverb states: “As above,
so below. As within, so without.” Conflict in the outer world moves from our
inner world outward. When enough of us are in inner turmoil, we generate the collective
energy of chaos, and our turmoil moves outward from us into our family, then into
our communities and beyond. For example, when a large enough percentage of us
find ourselves in unresolvable and unreasonable stagnation, when we cannot feed
our children or provide a safe place to live, when our backs are metaphorically
against the wall, we will fight back. Historically, that scenario produces
revolutions.
We can
decide to transform our conflicts if we choose. Change will happen no matter
what we do, so we can choose to negotiate that change or to fight it. We humans
are enormously complex beings. We can think things through, reason with ourselves
and others, and find common ground. But it’s a choice. I pray we choose peace.
In
the Spirit,
Jane
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