Can you say, "Projection?"

 

Shadow vs. Mr. Rogers

“Whenever people annoy me beyond reason, I can guarantee it’s because they are demonstrating something I’d rather not see in myself.”

Nadia Bolz-Weber (Accidental Saint: Finding God in All the Wrong People)

          Carl Jung taught us a lot about what he called our “shadow.” I’ve written about it often because it’s so present with me, and truly, with everyone. For the most part, unless we are actively working with our own consciousness, we are unaware of what aspects of us reside in our shadow. It’s possible to uncover some of it just by monitoring our thoughts and feelings, and by listening to our own words. There are aspects of ourselves that we truly cannot stand—we may or may not be conscious of them in ourselves, but we certainly can see them in others. One of my favorites is “know it all-ness.” When someone starts spouting off to me in a tone of superiority, I react badly. I can feel myself being hooked, and reeled in. But it is not the other person’s fault. It may be true that they are exhibiting an obnoxious characteristic, but it is the dislike of that aspect in myself that riles me up. So, I project it onto them, “Geez! She’s such a know it all!” Projection is one of our defense mechanisms—it protects us, however imperfectly, from knowledge about ourselves that we are not ready to accept.

          A good example of this psychological phenomenon is our president’s insistence that someone else is “nasty,” while he’s being especially nasty, or that all the news that is unflattering to him is “fake,” while he is lying and/or bending the truth. His name-calling and assigning ugly-nick names to others demonstrates how he was treated as a child—bullied and made fun of—and it is still the worst thing he can come up with. He wants to wound, just as he was wounded. It appears childish in the extreme, because he reverts to his childhood wounds—he speaks as a wounded child again. In fact, you can count on an almost pure form of projection and avoidance of responsibility from him. Unconsciousness is his best defense, and he employs it constantly.

          Our shadow cannot be fully known, but we can learn a lot about ourselves by paying attention to the things that punch our buttons. If there is someone that really “gets your goat,” or conversely, really dazzles you, it’s a pretty good bet that you are looking at some aspect of your shadow. Bringing it to consciousness may be uncomfortable, but it is the only way to integrate it into your understanding of yourself. And that helps you (and me) to stop projecting it onto others. Name it and claim it, as they say! It’s all you, baby! However, like Mr. Rogers, “I like you just the way you are.”

                                                  In the Spirit,

                                                  Jane