Ask for Help

 

Giving Joy

“If you don’t let people give to you, then you cut off their joy.”

Mildred McCary (Meridian, MS)

          Mildred McCary is the mother of my friend, Dejuana. She’s “of a certain age” and lives in a little town in eastern Mississippi. Her daughter adds to the pearl above that, all too often, “we don’t ask for help because we are afraid of abandonment.” I guess that apple didn’t fall too far from the tree, huh?

          The whole business of receiving help is hard for some of us. We are usually the designated caregiver in our family and have spent our lives taking care of other people’s needs. We choose careers in the “helping professions” like nursing and social work, and we volunteer for everything our churches/synagogues/mosques do in the way of ministry. We make casseroles when there’s a new baby or a new neighbor, we knit prayer shawls, we read the liturgy or sing in the choir on Sunday morning. We are always on time and never arrive empty-handed. What we somehow forget is that we, ourselves, are people who need help. As for me, I almost always come to this enlightened conclusion only AFTER I’ve hurt myself doing something I shouldn’t have done in the first place. It’s what we call, “learning the hard way.” Can you relate to that?

          Right now, for instance, I have a stiff neck, muscle spasm, because I carried a computer printer, box and all, into the house. I could say, there was no one else to carry it in, but my son was there. He was carrying in other stuff, so I didn’t want him to shoulder the load alone, you know. I mean, you gotta help-out, right? If your children have to do all the heavy lifting, they might just get sick of you and stop answering the phone when you call. See! Dejuana was right—abandonment!

          I think it’s a bit more than that, however. I think (at least, I speak for myself) it has more to do with the fear of being useless, or being perceived as “over the hill,” or, if we really want to hit pay dirt, the fear of death. If we’re not “stepping and fetching” all the time, it may mean that we are close to being dead. Ooo, not that!

          Whatever it is, we are not of much use to anyone else if we are laid up, or sick. So, if you don’t know how to take care of yourself, then ask “Mildred in Meridian” what you should do. She’s wiser than all the rest of us put together.

                                                  In the Spirit,

                                                  Jane