Kindness
Helps
“For
me, forgiveness and compassion are always linked: how do we hold people
accountable for wrongdoing and yet at the same time remain in touch with their
humanity enough to believe in their capacity to be transformed.”
bell
hooks (Gloria Jean Watkins)
This is
the major question of our day: In this time of great social change, pandemic,
racial unrest, and economic scarcity, when everybody is on edge and exhausted from
being confined to home, how do we hold the space in peace? Six months feels
like forever and we find ourselves short tempered, irritable, and sad. We can’t
make plans, we don’t know when it will end, and we can’t take comfort in our
usual pursuits. No communal worship, no social gathering, no handshakes, no
hugs—we’re touch deprived and that alone leaves one vulnerable to a whole host
of disorders.
In this
state of mind, we are more likely to feel angry and dismayed. We are more
likely to lash out and say things we later regret. For this reason, we must
become more conscious of ourselves and our inner state of being. We need to monitor
our self-talk, recognize what we are feeling, and how we’re expressing it. For
instance, I live alone, so I’ve been intentional about getting in touch with
people I care about—my support system, so to speak. Even so, I find myself
walking around my house, talking out loud to no one in particular. And when I
don’t have anything to say, I whistle or sing or simply make up sounds—anything
to fill the house with a human voice. I listen to the radio while I’m working
and talk with friends on the phone—something I have never loved doing until
now. What I realized in the middle of all this “sound making,” was that it was
a defense against entertaining the reality of what’s actually going on in the
world. I was throwing up a smoke screen to protect myself from fear and grief.
Some of
us are throwing up a smoke screen of anger and blame. Because we are paranoid
about catching this virus, we are looking at each other differently. When we
see people defying the face mask order, we blaze up in anger—at least, I do. All
this rage and unrest is an attempt to control what is uncontrollable. It is an
effort on our part to share the pain so as not to feel it so acutely. If I can
be angry at someone else, I don’t have to feel the fear for myself.
It’s human to want to analyze
a problem and find a quick solution. And since the solution to this one is not yet
within our reach, we feel as though we’re walking on shaky ground. Let’s show
ourselves a little compassion. This is hard stuff. No one’s been through anything on this scale for at least a hundred years. If we can be compassionate and
forgiving, we will feel calmer and more in control. I hope you can find ways
today to bring peace to yourself, and to send peace to others. We’ll get
through this. Kindness helps.
In the Spirit,
Jane
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