Life Changing Choices

Big Questions

“We have to continually ask ourselves provocative and soul-searching questions that draw from us responses about how we relate to our world right now; what we are feeling right now; what has changed about us in the past year, and so on.”

Caroline Myss

          I write a lot about the fact that we make choices everyday and how those choices affect our lives. What I don’t often say is how hard it is for some of us (me) to make big decisions. Caroline Myss says, “there is no such thing as a small or powerless decision,” and that every decision we make has the power to change the whole trajectory of our lives. I trust my gut in the decisions that I deem small, but boy, do I struggle with the big ones.

          For instance, I’ve been wrestling for years about whether I want to stay in my house as I age, or would it be smarter to sell now and find a smaller, more suitable place to live. This is a question most older people face, so I am not alone in it. I know that I could go to a banker, a realtor, my financial people, any number of professional advisors for guidance in making this decision, but unfortunately that’s not how I roll. It sounds crazy, but I wait to act until I’m not conflicted about my choice. That means I miss multiple opportunities for low interest rates and a booming real estate market in my area. Big decisions like this stop me in my tracks. I wonder whether this is true for you, too.

          One way of assessing the intuitive reading of one’s gut is to ask oneself the series of questions suggested by Caroline Myss. 1) How do I relate to my world right now? 2) What am I feeling about myself and my place in the world? 3) What has changed about me in the past year (or so) and how does that relate to the choice in question? And 4) (I added this one) In my heart of hearts, what do I truly want to do?

          We can’t ask these questions on the fly—not while we’re doing three other things, or even one other thing. When contemplating a big choice that will change our life forever, we should give it the respect it deserves. We must sit ourselves down and work with these questions—and maybe even talk with some of those advisors—until our mind and heart and gut agree. Then we will be able to trust that the decision we take is the best one. When that alignment occurs, we move forward without regret or self-doubt.

                                                  In the Spirit,

                                                  Jane