By Circumstance...

Advantaged

“I think that we often have an illusion that we made a choice for ourselves, when that choice was so fundamentally shaped by who we are, where we grew up, and what was around us and what made sense for us to do, that in some final account it was really almost never a choice at all. And when you look at the world like that…it becomes of central importance that those systems are just and that, in some big way, we are helping people who were born into, or who fell into, the wrong systems.”

Ezra Klein (Co-founder and Editor-at-Large of Vox Media; in interview with Krista Tippett, On Being: “How We Walked into This and How We Can Walk Out”)

          We humans are full of illusions about ourselves, our importance, and how much credit we can take for our own success. I can only speak for myself, of course. I was born white in the mountains of Appalachia. Lest images of dirt-poor, moon-shine distilling yokels fill your mind’s eye, let me just say that my grandmother, and her grandmother, and several of my great aunts and uncles on my father’s side were college educated. On the other side of my family, my mother’s people were tenant farmers in rural Alabama, and her ancestors probably came to this country as indentured servants. From the beginning, and especially because I was white in the deep South, I had advantages that others did not. From childhood it was clear that I would go to college, period. And because of that, and because my parents were always readers with high expectations of their daughters, both my sister and I managed to finish high school and go immediately into college. Where I grew up and who raised me made all the difference.

          I may be wrong, and I know there are exceptions to every rule, but it seems to me that we follow a trajectory, often preordained, based upon the ability and determination of others to guide and support us. I was raised in the mold of my father’s people, and not my mother’s. I had to make the most of college training, for sure, but had I been born closer to my mother’s side of the family, I probably would not have had the opportunity. Who we are, where we grow up, who influences our choices and provides our advantages has an enormous impact on our success or failure in life.

          One of my friends works as a child therapist in a private, non-profit, mental health clinic. The children she sees are often very young and being reared by parents who are meth-addicts. When the parents run into trouble with the law, the children are removed from home by the courts, and sent to live with a grandmother, an aunt, or foster family. By the time my friend sees them, they are already deeply scarred by the events of their lives, even though they are not far from infancy. How could these children possibly be expected to pull themselves up by the bootstraps and thrive? And what will be the toll on them and others if they do not receive the help they need? Helping them as young children may mean they grow up to be contributing citizens who pay taxes. Under such conditions, it makes total sense for our society to support their care and healing, not only because they are worthy themselves, but because such help may prevent them from perpetuating the cycle in which their parents are caught, and may benefit society as a whole.

          Those of us who were fortunate enough to be born with fewer burdens, have a responsibility to reach out and help someone else. Not everyone is equally advantaged, and we did not get here by ourselves. We owe the ones who provided for us, and we can repay that debt by helping those “who were born into, or fell into, the wrong systems.” That’s what creates the kinder, gentler society we say we want.

                                                  In the Spirit,

                                                  Jane