Does Your Life Bear Your Own Name?

Regret

“Regret is how we hope to back into our real lives once we find the will, the blind drive and courage to trade in the life we're given for the life that bears our name and ours only. Regret is how we look forward to things we've long lost yet never really had. Regret is hope without conviction...”

Andre Aciman (Enigma Variations)

When my dad died at seventy-five, he was still talking about how much he had wanted to be a lawyer. He was in his third year of college when his own father died, and he had to go home and take care of the family business. He had already applied to Wake Forest Law and been accepted. Once home, however, his life path diverged, and he took the one that lead to marriage, World War II, and children. One week before he died, we sat on the veranda at Duke Medical Center, in Durham, NC, and he talked about all the things he had wanted to do with his life that he hadn't done. The practice of law was first among them.

I'm writing this, not to make you sad, but to say to you, if there is something your heart is burning to do, do it. Don't wait, don't put it off, don't scoff and say, “Ah, well, that will never happen.” Resolve to do whatever is necessary; whatever it takes to makes your heart race with excitement. Don't get to my dad's age and look back with regret. We all make choices, and from time to time, we take paths not of our choosing, but simply what fate puts in front of us. In every life there are diverging paths, and we must choose. But whatever choice you make, don't rule out your heart's desire. That very thing may be your soul's work—that which you came here to fulfill.

There is a difference, at least to me, in feeling regret for something you've said or done that was wrong, that may have hurt someone else. You can make amends for past words and actions. But allowing temporary circumstances to stand in the way of major life choices is something else altogether. If you are forced to make a difficult choice, make certain it's you who is choosing and not someone else. Be sure the life you choose “bears your name, and yours only.” Difficult choices will present themselves, and if we make the one that seems best for us and everyone concerned, we will not be saddled with regret later in life. But, if we allow others to make our choices, to dictate our life's path, we will regret it. In the words of Andre Aciman, “Regret is the price we pay for things not done,” and remorse is the consequence of losing the opportunity to do them. Listen to your heart. It speaks for your soul.

                                                         In the Spirit,

                                                             Jane