I'm
Thankful
“To all
of you who keep showing up in the midst of fear, uncertainty and
struggle—thank you. I am deeply grateful for your vulnerability and
courage.
Brene
Brown
Good morning and Happy
Thanksgiving to you. I hope this is going to be a beautiful day
wherever you are, and in the midst of it, you will give thanks for
all that is precious in your life. Sometimes coming together with
family is a mixed blessing; sometimes we feel anything but a sense of
belonging. If that is the case for you, as it sometimes has been for
me, here are some words of wisdom from Brene Brown: “We can find
a sense of sacredness both in being part of something and by standing
alone when necessary.” The key here is finding the courage to
stand alone when necessary.
We spend most of our
lives trying to fit-in with some group or other—as young children,
we want to play with others so much we mimic their antics and their
voices. As teenagers, we dress and do our face and hair to match our
peer group. As young adults, in my day, it was ear-piercing, and
today it's tattoos and body piercing. We want to identify with a
tribe; to feel completely included and worthy of being part of the
sisterhood or brotherhood.
Dr. Brene Brown is not a
therapist, not a psychologist. She is a social researcher, who
gathers large data samples of various trends in the culture, and then
analyzes and reports them. She is best known for her research into
the importance of vulnerability (rather than assertiveness) in
relationships. Without being vulnerable and taking risks, there is no
intimacy in any relationship. This is the exact opposite of our
cherished ideas of individuality and self-sufficiency. Or, maybe not
entirely. What she found in her research is that the people who
belong, first and foremost, to themselves also report the greatest
sense of belonging with/to others. We must have an unbreakable
connection to our own moral compass in order to truly belong with
others. And, we also need the courage to stand alone when the
situation requires it. Fitting in, no matter how we choose to do it,
is not enough, and is not the same as belonging. Brown says,
“believing in and belonging to ourselves is the only way back to
each other.”
So, today, when you
gather with family and friends for the Thanksgiving feast—remember
who you are, where you came from, and what you stand for—and be
gracious to everyone there. You can stand in your own truth and
belong to yourself whether or not you are in good standing with the
tribe. That's something to be deeply grateful for. Happy Thanksgiving
everyone.
In the Spirit,
Jane
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