Life's
Journey
“I think
we all suffer from acute blindness at times. Life is a constant
journey of trying to open you eyes.”
Olivia
Thirlby
Do you ever ask yourself
the question, “Why didn't I see that?” In relationships, in
society, and in our personal lives, we miss things—especially
things we don't want to see. I don't know anyone who's ever been in a
relationship that went wrong who did not ask themselves that
question, or at least admit that they did see “that” but thought
it didn't apply to their relationship. Or my particular favorite, “I
didn't think he/she would do that to me.” or, “I thought I could
change him/her.” Sound familiar?
As actress Olivia Thirlby
says, “we all suffer from acute blindness at times.” We reenact familiar patterns and then wonder why the outcome is the
same. As the 12-Step folks tell you, the definition of insanity is
doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome.
But the truth is, if we are willfully blind to something, we simply
do not see it. We should not excoriate ourselves for this tendency,
since it is part of being human. We enter into self-delusion in order
to work out, or work through, problems our psyche is attempting to
solve. There is often no other way to get to the answers. We like
to think we will see it the next time, and sometimes, we are fortunate
enough to do that, but most of the time we have to keep pecking away
at it one day at a time before the blinders come off. The first step is admitting that the problem belongs to us, and it is, therefore, we who are recreating it. Blaming someone else is a guarantee of repeating the pattern over and over again. It requires patience and self-examination to change patterns that are older than we are—familial patterns.
Having patience with
oneself does not mean we're off the hook. The repetition of patterns
in relationships is still our problem to solve. If we don't find the
answers for ourselves, we will continue to repeat the pattern, and we
will hand it down to the next generation. The good news is that truly
loving another human being is usually motivation enough to address
these patterns with the goal of change. Acute blindness, is after
all, short term. Vision can be restored with honesty and courage, and life's journey is designed to open our eyes.
In the Spirit,
Jane
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