Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Gold Medal Winners


Going for Gold

We do ourselves a great disservice by judging where we are in comparison to some final destination...So where we are--though closer all the time--is never quite enough.”
                             Mark Nepo (The Book of Awakening)

We've now been studying human psychosocial development for more than one-hundred years. One of the finest examples of research, in my opinion, came from Erik Erikson, who delineated the sequence of human development from birth to death. He was able to create an either/or system for each of eight stages; for instance, in the first two years of life a child develops an attitude of trust or distrust, depending on how well his needs are met and how loving the environment into which he is born. The adult years begin at age 20, with the stage of Intimacy vs. Isolation, and end at death with Ego Integrity vs. Despair. We've all known people who fit both ends of the spectrum at each life stage. Suffice it to say that we don't get to the end of life with ego integrity unless we have found ways to acquire the strengths of the earlier stages of development.

Those of us who were born of loving, caring people, accomplished all tasks set before us, grew into independent, competent adults, mated well and raised children with love and compassion, who found meaning and satisfaction in our work and our lives, obviously have a leg up. But, it is the rare human who can claim all those things. The vast majority of us run into some glitches along the way. That does not mean, however, that we are relegated to a life of despair. What is does mean is that we have to work at development rather than sail through on the wings of grace.

Sometimes we're harder on ourselves than is healthy, especially if there was harsh parenting in our youth. We tend to internalize criticism, and turn it on ourselves when we feel disappointed with our own performance. Some of us never feel we've given enough, no matter what we accomplish. Watching the Olympics this week has reinforced that. People have actually shown disappointment, even misery, in winning only a silver or bronze medal instead of the gold, even though they are competing with the best athletes in the world.

While it is not helpful to constantly chastise oneself, which actually slows development down rather than improve it, it is good to have a goal and work toward it. Accepting ourselves right where we are is a good place to start. We may not be gold, honey, but silver is good. I'm kind of into copper, myself.

                                               In the spirit,
                                              Jane

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