Going
for Gold
“We
do ourselves a great disservice by judging where we are in comparison
to some final destination...So where we are--though closer all the
time--is never quite enough.”
Mark
Nepo (The Book of Awakening)
We've
now been studying human psychosocial development for more than
one-hundred years. One of the finest examples of research, in my
opinion, came from Erik Erikson, who delineated the sequence of human
development from birth to death. He was able to create an either/or
system for each of eight stages; for instance, in the first two years
of life a child develops an attitude of trust or distrust, depending
on how well his needs are met and how loving the environment into
which he is born. The adult years begin at age 20, with the stage of
Intimacy vs. Isolation, and end at death with Ego Integrity vs.
Despair. We've all known people who fit both ends of the spectrum at
each life stage. Suffice it to say that we don't get to the end of
life with ego integrity unless we have found ways to acquire the
strengths of the earlier stages of development.
Those
of us who were born of loving, caring people, accomplished all tasks
set before us, grew into independent, competent adults, mated well
and raised children with love and compassion, who found meaning and
satisfaction in our work and our lives, obviously have a leg up. But,
it is the rare human who can claim all those things. The vast
majority of us run into some glitches along the way. That does not
mean, however, that we are relegated to a life of despair. What is
does mean is that we have to work at development rather than sail
through on the wings of grace.
Sometimes
we're harder on ourselves than is healthy, especially if there was
harsh parenting in our youth. We tend to internalize criticism, and
turn it on ourselves when we feel disappointed with our own
performance. Some of us never feel we've given enough, no matter what
we accomplish. Watching the Olympics this week has reinforced that.
People have actually shown disappointment, even misery, in winning
only a silver or bronze medal instead of the gold, even though they
are competing with the best athletes in the world.
While it is not helpful to constantly chastise oneself, which
actually slows development down rather than improve it, it is good to
have a goal and work toward it. Accepting ourselves right where we
are is a good place to start. We may not be gold, honey, but silver
is good. I'm kind of into copper, myself.
In
the spirit,
Jane
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