Who is your family of choice?

Family Ties

“The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each others life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof.”

Richard Bach

I left home at seventeen. From that day on, I have returned to the town where I grew up for short stretches only—summer breaks from college, family medical leave, holidays. My first home away from home was in California. My husband was in the Air Force during the Viet Nam War. I cried most of the way to Sacramento from North Carolina, and cried for a long time afterward. I was homesick. I missed my family. In the laundry room one day, an old, seasoned Air Force wife wearing a yellow bikini with a cigarette stuck in the side of her mouth, told me, “Honey, you better learn to make home wherever you are, otherwise you'll never have home again.” I took her advice to heart.

I love my blood family. I have one aunt and a hand full of cousins still in North Carolina and I get up there to visit them as often as I can. But I also have family in Alabama. It is a family of choice composed of friends. Some of them I have now known for half my life. I dreamed about them last night. There was a long table set up outside with all kinds of candles on it—an altar of sorts. My friends were all there and I was making funny quips about each of them. My good friend, Libba, whom I always tease about cheating, stuck her finger down into a candle bowl of melted wax. In the dream I said, “She probably thinks there's money in there.” My friends Ladonna and Dejuana were sitting at the end of the table. Ladonna is one of those obnoxious people who can pick up any instrument and play it. She's an improvisational musician who makes music come from kitchen utensils and who knows what. In the dream, I picked up two turnips and handed them to her saying, “Bang these together!” It was a family gathering and we were having fun.

Blood families are wonderful. I wouldn't trade mine for anything in the world, but I thank God for my family of choice. 'Make home wherever you are' was one of the best pieces of advice anyone has ever given me. And 'home' includes the family of the heart. If you have them, love them today.

In the spirit,

Jane