"Rooted In Relationships"

Putting Down Roots

“It is crucial that we be rooted

in someone, if not somewhere.

Pilgrim people on the move

rooted in relationships...”

Miriam Therese Winter

I have been waxing nostalgic for days because next week, I am returning to the places where I lived as a child. I am conducting research for my book in Chattanooga and in NC. In preparation, I am recalling people and events that formed the backdrop of my childhood. For so long, we humans were rooted where we were born, and lived our entire lives among family. Not so anymore. Most people are like me---we've lived in many places to the point that we don't know how to answer the question that's asked a lot around here, “Where are you from?” Even after thirty years in Birmingham, I'm asked that question because the cadence of my speech is different. If there's one thing we recognize, it's difference.

So how do we nomads find our roots? How do we identify where we're 'from' when we haven't stayed in one place all our lives? Just as Miriam Winter's poem says, we are 'rooted in relationships'. One way of finding the answer is to ask, 'Where am I most at home?' 'Who are my people?' 'To whom do I belong?' If we can't answer these questions quickly and clearly, then we have some rooting to do. Being rooted gives us stability and continuity; and without it we feel tossed about like a leaf in high winds.

We homo-sapiens are pack animals. We need mutuality and acceptance in our relationships. We need to belong. In the deep South, we usually find that sense of belonging within our religious traditions. We identify ourselves as Christians, or Muslims, Buddhists or Jews. Getting involved in a faith community is one way of establishing common ground. I have friends who have found 'their people' in twelve-steps groups; they've shared the darkest details of their lives with their AA or Al-anon group, and thus are bonded with them. We need to feel safe to establish roots.

Roots are grown in relationship. Rarely do we connect with others deeply through our work unless that work is very personal. Firefighters, police, soldiers, aid workers, who work and live communally, form very tight bonds based on mutual trust. Corporate employees, not so much. Finding community is essential to feeling at home; to putting down roots. And community requires involvement. We can't stand on the sidelines and feel included; we must put our shoulders to the plow and help to push it forward.

In the spirit,

Jane