Celebrate Our Differences

 

Moments of Unity

“Let us live for the grace beneath all we want,

Let us see it in everything and everyone,

Till we admit to the mystery

That when I look deeply enough into you,

I find me, and when you dare to hear my fear

In the recess of your heart, you recognize it

As your secret which you thought

No one else knew…”

Mark Nepo (from “Earth Prayer”)

          What do you live for? What is the most nurturing thing that you experience in your life? The fact that we’re grown-up doesn't mean that we don’t need to be nurtured. Sometimes we have to provide it for ourselves, and that’s okay, too, as long as we recognize it’s a need and not simply a luxury to be lopped off when we’re busy.

          We humans need contact with others, even if we are introverted and shy. Most introverts can tolerate long stretches of aloneness, but after a while, we need conversation, connection, and affection. Typically, introverts don’t waste time on small talk—since most of us aren’t very good at it anyway, especially in social settings. After a few rounds of “how are you” and “doing well, thank you,” we tend to lapse into one-word responses and then go sit in a corner and just listen to the banter around us. I’m always surprised at how much extroverted people can talk without saying anything of substance. Introverts just skip that and jump straight to the meat of the matter—usually by asking a question that stops the conversation all together. There’s a delicate balance to be found, comparable to walking a tightrope.

          The problem is that what nourishes us is good, honest conversation. The way we connect with others of our species is to dive deeply into their thought processes and speak honestly about ours. And sometimes, we go too far. Sometimes we make other people, especially socially adept extroverts who are accustomed to filling the space around them with words without revealing much about themselves. Sometimes we breech boundaries by asking questions that are too personal or insensitive. We are intense in a world where intensity is not welcome.

          Extroverts, on the other hand, talk a lot because they sometimes have to say it to know it. They listen to themselves to know what they think. In explaining something, they begin to understand their own opinions and beliefs. It seems like a backward process to me, but that's because all my processing is done internally. Introverts go inside to think through and sort things out—and then they come out and explain. When we learn to appreciate these differences in each other, we are better able to tolerate them. In fact, though we travel different routes, we may arrive at the same destination or conclusion.

          When we appreciate our differences rather than complain about them, or refuse to accept them, we grow good, strong, supportive relationships. Realizing that we are the same in many ways, we learn to love those differences. As Mark Nepo so beautifully puts it:

“Oh, let us embrace

the unexpected moment of unity

as the atom of God…

Let us have the courage

to hold each other when we break

and worship what unfolds.” (from “Earth Prayer”)

In the Spirit,

Jane