Sample
of One
“Try
to see the good in others. When you’re tempted to judge someone, make an effort
to see their goodness. Your willingness to look for the best in people will
subconsciously bring it forth.”
Marianne
Williamson
When I
was in college (a million years ago) the research psychology class had an
assignment to pose a hypothesis, set up criteria for evaluating it, choose a
subject, conduct the experiment, document the trials, and report the results. Those
were the days of B.F. Skinner and operant conditioning. Two of the boys in the
class decided to test whether their positive attention to an ordinary girl—one who
was not already designated “a beauty”—would change anything about her. (Indulge
me here. I know this is sexist BS, but it was the 1960’s and that’s all we knew.)
They selected a plain looking girl whom they saw regularly around campus and
knew they would encounter daily. She was a bit mousey, with long, stringy brown
hair, and slumped shoulders. She looked at the ground when she strowed across
the quad. The boys began feeding her compliments and showing her friendly attention
whenever they saw her. They kept careful records of her appearance and responses
to their comments. After two weeks, she looked like a different person—she changed
her appearance by wearing make-up, taking an interest in her hair and clothing.
She began walking with a more upright posture and held her head up. Two weeks
of positive reinforcement changed her, at least in appearance. Besides being
physically more appealing, she seemed more confident, too.
Granted,
it was a small sample of one, but also an example of how one can change given
the right circumstances. I remember this silly experiment because it had
implications across the board. If you want someone to change, positive
reinforcement works better than punishment. The first time I took the
Myers-Briggs personality inventory in my early 30’s, I was a solid ISTJ—introverted,
sensing, thinking, judging. We’re analytical, factual, interested in
intellectual inquiry, and quick to judge. Over time and with a lot of work, I
have nearly equal scores in all categories except Introversion/Extroversion. In
life, if you do your psychological work, make your mistakes, acknowledge, and
learn from them, open your mind to the possibility that it’s okay for others to
be different from you, you may see those scores level out. You just might, in
fact, stop being such a critic of yourself and others. Who knows! You may even
get to the point where you are content with who you are, and how you look, and regardless
of what others think about you, feel okay about yourself. Think of it! You—yourself—are
perfect just the way you are, comfortable in your own skin, and content. What a
novel idea!
In
the Spirit,
Jane
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