Let
Yourself Forgive
“I
think the first step is just to understand that forgiveness does not exonerate
the perpetrator. Forgiveness liberates the victim. It’s a gift you give
yourself.”
T.D.
Jakes
I’ve
been thinking a lot about forgiveness since I’ve been here in North Carolina. There’s
nothing like being in the crucible of family to bring back all the childhood
trauma and pathos that existed when we were growing up. And that’s not a bad
thing. It hurts in the moment, and sometimes we have blow-ups and tears and
hurt feelings. But if we can get to the point where we realize that our pain
comes from love—the fact that we love them despite all the nastiness—we get
past the harsh words and just feel the love. We can’t heal until we make
conscious what is brewing inside of us. It’s incredible to me, truly, that no
amount of distance, division, and disagreement can change the blood and bone ties
that we have with our family. They are our tribe. We belong to each other.
Sometimes,
the family rupture happened so long ago that no one even remembers what caused
it. In that case, forgiveness is the only thing that can heal the wounds. It
helps to know, as T.D. Jakes said in the quote above that forgiveness is not
done to let the guilty off the hook. It’s done to let you (and me) off the
hook. It’s done to free you and me from the weight and poison of grudge-holding,
revenge-taking, and the whole notion of getting even. So, after we tell each
other off, raise the hullabaloo, and scream and yell, what’s left is love. Rage
and revenge, pain and hurt are the ingrediants for a multi-generational
hate-stew. How long do we keep this going? How many generations of our children
and grandchildren will we poison with our unforgiveness?
In this
political climate that has divided most families, we must work even harder to
find the place of forgiveness and unburden ourselves of at least some of the mean-spiritedness
that has been stirred into the American pot these last eight years. I say this: Let Love Reign! Forget the animosity and ill-will and let the light of love
shine through you. Life is too short to stay mad at the ones you love, and too long
to carry the burden of judgement. Forgive, and let yourself off the hook.
In
the Spirit,
Jane
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