Choices:

 

Making Big Decisions

“It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.”

Tony Robbins

          Making decisions, especially big decisions, is exceptionally hard for me, and for many people. “I don’t know what to do,” comes out of my mouth a lot when confronted with choices that I know will change my life. Most people, I think, pause before taking big decisions, afraid of being impulsive and making poor life choices. In fact, fear is the hobgoblin of many failures in life. For most people, fear of failure is the primary one. Caroline Myss speaks to that: “Always go with the choice that scares you the most, because that’s the one that is going to help you grow.”

          Making big decisions was easier when I was younger. I had no fear because I had not yet experienced enough of life to know the pitfalls. After climbing out of some of those pitfalls on hands and knees, caution began to dawn on me. “Perhaps I should think this through.” Or worse, “What was I thinking!” Even so, I’m glad I had those days of jumping in with both feet, because they gave me a modicum of understanding of what I was could do. It is the same for you. If you are young, go for it. You may bruise your nose, but you’ll learn valuable lessons that will serve you all your life.

          The truth is, we must make decisions every single day. Some are easy and some require more thought and planning. Some are stupid, and we get hurt, and some are wonderful serendipity. Some take more courage than others, and some have broader consequences. In the words of Doe Zantamata, “Every decision brings some good, some bad, some lessons, and some luck. The only thing that’s for sure is that indecision steals many years from many people who wind up wishing they’d just had the courage to leap.”

          There is such a thing as “Imposter Syndrome,” in which people who are perfectly competent and even exceptional believe themselves to be frauds. They think to themselves, “If people really knew me, knew who I am on the inside, they would see what a fraud I am.” That message is a destructive voice within us that wants to stop our emotional growth. It tells us we can’t do something that we clearly can. It often keeps us from taking that leap into the unknown. It says, “Who do you think you are? You can’t do that!” I’ve listened to that voice too many times, and I can tell you, it has never led me to success in anything. Don’t listen to it; it’s a saboteur.

          It is wise I think to discuss big decisions with people you trust, especially people who have no vested interest in your choice, who do not benefit from your deciding one way or the other. Perhaps a counselor or clergy; someone who wants to see you meet your destiny with courage. Talking it through can help clarify the pros and cons and give you confidence that the decision you are making is sound. But in the end, the only one to decide is you, and your best source of confirmation is within you. Ask within and listen for the answer. And then, go for it with all your heart.

                                                  In the Spirit,

                                                  Jane