Follow
Your Star
“Following
your own star means isolation, not knowing where to go, having to find out a
completely new way for yourself instead of just going on the trodden path everybody
else runs along. That’s why there’s always been a tendency in humans to project
the uniqueness and greatness of their own inner self onto outer personalities
and become the servants, the devoted servants, admirers, and imitators of outer
personalities. It is much easier to admire a great personality and become a pupil
or follower of a guru or a religious prophet, or admirer of a big, official
personality—a President of the United States—or live your life for some
military general whom you admire. That is much easier than following you own
star.”
Marie
Louise von Franz (The Way of the Dream, p.71)
There
is a developmental age for seeking out a teacher, guru, or great personality to
admire and follow. I associate it most with adolescence when children are first
waking up to themselves. Until then, they have seen themselves as part of a
unit—a family, for instance. Around puberty things begin to change and they become
aware of the individuality of themselves. But a unique identity has not yet found
its footing. And that kicks off a campaign of, “Who am I?” They begin searching
for a person or persons to pattern themselves after—the popular girl, the star
athlete, the rock star, the beauty queen, etc. We all try on many personalities
and possible identities before we find the right fit.
This pattern
continues throughout life for those of us who do not come home to ourselves. We
may move from guru to guru or entertain idealistic fantasies about one person
or another. We may spend time with our beloved one in order to bask in his/her
presence and feel vicariously in possession of the power and prestige of that
person or group. We may imitate them, speak their slogans, repeat their
patterns of speech and behavior as though we are them, and they are us. The extreme
of this is the stalker who is obsessed with a famous personality—example, John
Hinkley, who attempted to assassinate President Ronald Reagan to impress Jodie
Foster, his fantasy goddess.
Deciding
that you do not need a guru, or a role model, takes time and work—personal psychological
work. Developmentally we are stuck if by mid-life we are still in such a co-dependent
relationship. Some of us get stuck because of fear and insecurity—we have
swallowed the belief that we are not good enough, could never measure up to the
glory of our teacher/guru. And some of us just don’t want to do the work—because
it’s hard and sometimes painful and requires that we overcome our dependency. Carl
Jung said, “Laziness is the greatest passion of mankind, even greater than
power or sex or anything.” It’s way easier to follow, even if the one we are
following has clay feet, than it is to lead or even to separate and make one’s
own way in the world.
Becoming
whole, and wholly ourselves, requires that we find the psychological and
spiritual strength to stand on our own two feet. Perhaps it even demands that
we spend some time alone without the distractions and props of other people. Certainly,
it requires that we do the psychological work of individuation—of sorting ourselves
out from clan, family, culture, tradition, and prying loose from the systems they
represent. Maybe not forever, but until we have the strength to encounter them
and still hold the center of ourselves together. It’s a life’s work. And it’s
worth everything. I believe it’s what we are here to do.
In
the Spirit,
Jane
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