Persist in the face of fear.

 

Building Confidence

“Always go with the choice that scares you the most because that’s the one that is going to require the most from you. Do you really want to look back on your life and see how wonderful it could have been had you not been afraid to live it?”

Caroline Myss

          So many of us are held back by lack of confidence. Self-esteem is one of the most important qualities you can bring to the table—if you have it, you will not be thrown by failure or criticism. Self-esteem is dependent on ego-strength. My friend, Anna and I recently talked about the difference between egotism and ego-strength. We are accustomed to thinking that ego is a bad thing; “He has such an ego!” But a strong ego, according to both Freud and Jung, is essential to navigating life. Our ego mediates between the super-ego (parental and sometimes punishing) and the id (wild, untamed child), between the critical parts of our psyche and the pure hedonistic ones that would have us take whatever we want and do whatever we want. A strong, confident ego will take risks and not let fear stand in the way.

           Courage does not come naturally to many of us—especially if we have experienced childhood trauma of some kind—and most of us have. And even for people we view as strong and confident, a small scratch beneath the surface often reveals a frightened human being putting up a good front. Courage does not mean a lack of fear. It means, instead, putting your fear aside and doing what is necessary. In my estimation, we have a role model for that in Volodymyr Zelensky of Ukraine. He can’t have anticipated that Russia would invade his country and murder people in their homes so soon after he took office. His background in acting and comedy did not prepare him to deal with this horror, but he has risen to the occasion out of necessity. His background did teach him what confidence looks like. And whether he feels it or not, he can face his fear and bring confidence to the task for the sake of his people and his nation. In facing fear, and persevering in the face of it, our self-esteem grows.

          If there is something you truly want to do in and with your life, draw comfort from the fact that to some degree everyone faces the obstacle of fear. There is no one whose life is without it. The essential ingredient is resisting the urge to go inside your house and lock the door. Just do it. Just go for it despite the voices that tell you no, no, don’t. The only way to gain confidence is to persist in the face of fear. You build ego strength by challenging yourself to do the things you fear. So, go ahead! You’ve got this.

                                                  In the Spirit,

                                                  Jane