It's a good day to practice:

 

Being Real

“As the Earth keeps going by turning itself toward the light day after day, we have no choice, despite all forms of etiquette and training, but to keep turning toward what we feel is real. Otherwise, we become cold little planets spinning in the dark.”

Mark Nepo (The Book of Awakening, p.107; Conari Press, 2000)

          According to Mark Nepo, the way to practice being real is to “say what I feel, not just once, but continually.” Many of us learned as children to survive by suppressing our feelings, by not saying what was real to us. Some of us were not allowed to ask questions nor contribute opinions about what we heard and saw, and how we felt about it, so we learned to withhold our feelings even from ourselves.

Take, for instance, our meaningless greeting: “How are you,” “I’m fine,” “And you?” “Oh, I’m fine, too.” We speak this litany of words no matter what is going on with us. We have been taught not to “burden” others with our feelings, but along the way we may have forgotten to notice them ourselves. We may have been teased or bullied about our feelings, or made fun of, or shamed, and so we locked them down tight—even from ourselves.

          Sooner or later, this suppression of feelings leads to irritability and depression. People who love us know something is not right, and usually, they probe to find out what the trouble is. This may cause confrontations, and further distancing. Eventually, we come to the hard realization that we must change or lose the people we love most, and so, we begin to ask ourselves the question, “How are you?” and really mean it. First, though, we must figure out exactly what it is we’re feeling. If you are anything like me, years of suppression led to confusion in identifying feelings. That takes practice, and patience.

          Like a leaf on a tree, we turn toward the light. The light of understanding ourselves first, then, gaining the confidence to speak our truth, and finally, being able to act on that truth. It’s a process, not a moment. Like a lotus flower opening one layer of petals at a time, we open to the light. What feels real for you, is real for you, even if no one else understands it. The important thing is to feel what you feel, identify it, and communicate it if you can. Then what others do with it…well, that’s their business. Today is a good one to practice being real.

                                                  In the Spirit,

                                                  Jane