What
to Give Up
“Peace
cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding.”
Albert
Einstein
I ran
across an article online this morning titled, “Eight Things You Must Give Up to
Find Peace,” by Marc Chernoff on the Hack Life website. It interested me, so I
will recap it for you:
1) Old
regrets and excuses. Nothing is achieved by living a regretful
life. Holding onto past regrets drains vital energy. Make amends if possible
and then move on. If amends are not possible, lay the burden down with a
blessing. Give it a proper burial or write it down and burn it. Whatever helps
you to let go.
I don’t know about you, but I make
excuses for things I don’t want to do. Eventually, if they are truly necessary,
I do them, so why not simply do them and leave off the excuses. Making excuses
is simply another way of procrastinating, and again, it’s a waste of time and energy.
Either do the thing, or simply say, I don’t want to, and don’t. Making excuses
is just plain lame.
2) The
burning desire to have all the answers. Some of us grew up as
the “solutions-person” in our family. As such, we were expected to perform and
we expected ourselves to perform—to always have the answers and if we didn’t,
to find them. That assignment breeds a kind of codependency that can be crippling
when we don’t have the answers and can’t find a solution. We must practice
saying, “I don’t know,” until it feels comfortable to us. No one has all the
answers, and sometimes we step in with our solutions when the other person
really needs to find their own.
3) The
false hope of a pain-free life. Life is difficult—so says
the Buddha. Life by its very nature contains all the polar-opposites—the good
and bad, the joy and pain, the love and indifference. Life
is cyclical, and we cannot step out of that. We will have pain in life, and we
will have joy. When we have pain, it is not because we are being punished for
something or have failed; it is because life is like that. And we are part of
life.
4) Ties
to insensitive people. Toxic people are a source of immense
pain and suffering. We may tell ourselves that we “must” stay in communion with
them for a multitude of reasons—they’re family, or my best friend, or my
spouse. But the truth is, we don’t have to and if someone is toxic, or together,
you make up a poisonous combination, walk away. You don’t have to punish or
blame them. Just take a deep breath and claim your life. Your peace of mind and
quite possibly your health depend upon it.
5) Obsessing
yourself with negative news. The 24-7 news cycle depends on
negative news to keep ratings up. That’s their problem. Set yourself a schedule
and stick to it. If you can tune into the news for half-hour a day and not obsess
about it the rest of the day, then so be it. But if not, just say NO.
6) The
belief that fulfillment resides in a result. Every time you
say to yourself, “if I can just get to X then I will be able to relax and be at
peace,” hear a loud alarm bell go off in your head. Your peace of mind is not
tied to one result. There will always be more, and you will always set your goal
out beyond your reach. If you are a Type-A personality the pressure is even
greater to achieve and over-achieve. Learn to enjoy the journey and don’t obsess
about the destination.
7) Measuring
your success by counting your wealth. Instead of banking up
your money and becoming agitated when it is not what you believe it should be,
do what you love and live within your means. If you want a happy life, it will
not be found in amassing money but in living from your inner fire and in
sharing your gifts with others.
8) The
need to keep everything the same. Life is change; if something
does not change over time, it is not alive. Learn to anticipate and even look
forward to change in every aspect of your life. Again, there will be gains and
losses, which are normal for living systems and essential to most. After all,
we live in an evolving universe.
All
this is necessary to having peace of mind. We don’t just wake up one day and all our ducks fall into a nice, neat row. But looking at this list at least
gives us an idea of where to begin and what comes next. How important is peace
of mind to you? What are you willing to sacrifice to have it?
In
the Spirit,
Jane
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