Human
Kindness
“Human
kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people.
A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough.”
Franklin
Delano Roosevelt
I
received two pieces of writing from friends this morning about tolerating
cruelty in relationships, so I think that must be today’s topic. One friend
wrote a piece about a friendship that he valued very deeply in which the other
person became hateful and abusive in a way he could not tolerate. He stepped
away from this friend and had no intention of reengaging with her. She came
back after several years apologizing and asking for forgiveness, only to do the
same thing again. His question for himself was, “Does this relationship dimmish
or enlarge me? Who is served by continuing to forgive and engage with her?”
The other friend’s question
was, “When is enough, enough?” In other words, how many times do you keep trying
to apologize and explain yourself to another person who doesn’t want to hear what
you have to say. In her words, “People can’t hear it because they need hearing
aids for their souls.”
Both are very good
questions. I’ve heard many people talk about toxic relationships—and I’ve had a
number of toxic ones myself. We must decide what is important to us. Are we willing
to tolerate being punished or not? Are we getting more from the relationship
than we give, or is it diminishing us? Can we have a heart-to-heart
conversation with the other person and clear things up between us? How much do
I value this relationship and why? Bottom line is, if a relationship is harming
you, either emotionally or physically, are you able to walk away from it or not?
Know this—there is help, but no one else
can take your hand and walk you to it. It is always your choice. And understand
this, too: No one benefits from your diminishment.
In
the Spirit,
Jane
(Domestic Violence
Hotline: 800-799-7233)
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