On
the Road Again
“Much
of our journey involves learning about power. We learn about the powers we don’t
have—the power to control others, sometimes ourselves, and fate. We discover
our true power—the power to take an endless journey into freedom and love.”
Melody
Beattie (Journey to the Heart; Dec. 6, p.349, Harper San Francisco, 1996)
When I
realize that I am out of balance, I return to the co-dependency guru, Melody
Beattie. Next month, I’m having surgery to repair my knee—the same knee I’ve
been doing battle with for more than a year. When friends and family found out
about the surgery, they started offering to help take care of me, even to bring
me into their home and help me rehab. Of course, my initial response was “Oh, no—I
will be fine, etc.” I have the option of going to an in-house rehab facility
for a week or going home with friends and having home-rehab. As a good
co-dependent I immediately began trying to take care of other people—not wanting
to be a burden, not wanting to impose, “they have so much on their plate
already,” yada-yada-yada.
This is
a classic co-dependent behavior—refusing help when you need it simply because
it renders you powerless. It forces you to take that first step in the 12-Step
protocol—admitting to being powerless. I am used to being the helper, not the “helpee.”
When I encounter situations in which I am helpless, or powerless to be in
control, my first response is anger. So here I am, back at square one where I
have been many times before. I’m familiar with the signposts on this journey.
Did you
know that refusing help is a trauma behavior? When we know we need help, but in
our experience, help has been spotty at best, non-existent at worst, we stop trusting
people. We choose, consciously or unconsciously, to risk failure, or to put
ourselves in a dangerous situation, rather than be disappointed again. At
least, when we are alone, we have the illusion (or delusion) that we are in
control.
If you
are on the recovery road from anything—physical, mental, or at the crossroads
where these two meet—don’t for one minute think it’s a straight shoot to the castle.
It’s a looping, turning, wraparound and go the wrong way road. Sometimes you
end up in a ditch, sometimes in a dark forest full of scary things. But, if you
can stay the course, you will eventually arrive at your destination. As for me,
I’m back on the road, with Melody Beattie as my guide. I’m headed to freedom
and love! Come join me.
In
the Spirit,
Jane
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