Catalyst
for Light
“It
takes one thought, one second, one moment or positive memory to act as a
catalyst for the light to gradually seep in again.”
Fearne
Cotton
In
searching for Christmas ornaments to hang on the Ficus tree, I found a trove of
old photos of family and friends. It has been fun and enlightening to sort through
them and look backwards in time. There are pictures of the kids, of course, when
they were children and teenagers, proms and new puppies, neighbors and so many
people who have come and gone from my life—from our lives. So many group shots
of people whose names I cannot remember—but then after a while, slowly, the
names rise into consciousness, and I think—oh, yes, that’s so and so, she was
married to??? And so it goes. I guess incomplete memories are better than nothing.
Have
you done this? Dug through old photos and asked each other, where were we when
this was taken? Who took it? What were we doing there? One thing that became
clear to me while looking at them is that I was once engaged in life in a way
that I no longer am. Looking back in time is a double-edged sword in that way—it’s
a reminder of some joyful, good, and productive days, and a realization that they
happened a long time ago. In most of my photos, I look depressed—a product of
hating to have my picture taken, and… well, being depressed! I realized while pondering
them, that I’m in the happiest season of my life right now. Aches and pains and
all, I’m okay.
When we
have lived through trauma—and who hasn’t—we carry a whiff of it with us
forever. Call it PTSD or whatever, but childhood trauma, or trauma at any stage
of life, leaves its shadow on our hearts. Sometimes it comes in the form of
sadness—inexplicable and inescapable—and sometimes in the form of anger that
erupts out of nowhere. Sometimes it feels like weight, sometimes like we’re
walking in fog. If you experience this, just know that you are not alone.
Millions of other people do, too. It’s part of living a human life. It will
always be your companion, but if you can recognize it, it will not own your life. In
fact, it will add depth and richness to it. It will become like your
brown eyes, or your curly hair—just one part of you, not the whole of who you
are.
Christmas
is a season when we remember and reminisce about our past. Be sure to find ways
to balance the joys with the sorrows. Give thanks for all of them equally. They
are the panorama of your life, and each one is precious. Together, they make
you who you are, and you, yourself, are a gift from God. You are a catalyst for
light in this world.
In
the Spirit,
Jane
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