Holding Up A Mirror

 

Judging Others

“We do not see things as they are. We see them as we are.”

The Talmud

          The Buddha, who lived from 563-483 BCE, said that deep in our hearts we all just want to be “understood and cherished.” In the first century, Marcus Aurelius stated: “Make it your habit to listen carefully to what other people say and, as far as possible, be inside the mind of the person speaking.” In other words, show empathy by respecting another person’s world view. These things, along with keeping one’s own ego in check, form the cornerstones of emotional intelligence. Apparently, we had that at the turn of the first millennia, but somewhere along the way, we lost it. Some of this has to do with the fact that there are many more of us now than when the Buddha and Marcus Aurelius lived—billions more. The more people, the more opportunities to be irritated and judgmental.

          We must understand that if there is a current climate of incivility and inconsiderate behavior, it is because we bring it. The planet is what it is; always turning, seasons come and go, and the rain falls and the snow. We humans, however, are ever changing and not always in a good way. When we judge others, we reveal our own prejudices and resentments. When we treat someone else as unimportant, nonexistent, or even non-human, we show what is going on inside us. What we say about another has little to do with them, and everything to do with us. Which is why it would behoove us to step back and take a closer look at our own interior life.

          I say this to myself, and not just to you. I judge others by my own yardstick—one with more than a few splinters and rough edges. Once we are conscious that this is the case, we become voyeurs of our own thoughts and conversations. “Why am I saying this? What is going on in my head that I would say this about this person? What am I feeling right now?” Pesky little questions that no one wants to ask themselves—but we ought to ask them anyway.

          We see things through the eyes of our own history and limited world view. So do others. Perhaps one solution is to give up judging each other—especially since the other person is simply holding up a mirror.

                                                  In the Spirit,

                                                  Jane