Give Credit to the Ancestors

 

Pre-Thanksgiving Pep-talk

“To acknowledge our ancestors means we are aware that we did not make ourselves, that the line stretches all the way back, perhaps to God, or to Gods. We remember them because it is an easy thing to forget, that we are not the first to suffer, rebel, fight, love, and die. The grace with which we embrace life, in spite of the pain, the sorrow, is always a measure of what has gone before.”

Alice Walker

          The holidays are coming up. In America, we will be celebrating Thanksgiving in a couple of weeks—that mythological occasion on which the Pilgrims and Indians joined together in the wilderness of New England for a sit-down dinner and sang kumbaya as they broke bread and passed the turkey. At any rate, we will celebrate an excessive meal about gratitude with our families in a couple of weeks. Most of us have to brace ourselves for this occasion ahead of time—we talk ourselves down off a tree limb and go inside and roast the turkey.

          My cousin, Susan, sent me a hand towel for my birthday that said: “Family: One clown short of a circus.” Unfortunately, that’s how many of us feel about the holidays. We enjoy the food and the camaraderie, but there’s always one family member that decides it’s a good opportunity to bring out the hatchet and start chopping. Or one that gets drunk and, as my grandmother would say, “acts a fool.”

          Don’t get me wrong, I love my family—as do we all, but when we get together in excessive numbers, the old family system constellates and it’s too powerful for any of us. That’s where the ancestors come in. They are the ones who originated that system. Our ancestors, for the most part, had no access to family counseling, analysts, or even compassionate clergy. They were winging it entirely on their own. One of my great-grandmothers had 9 children and lived on a tenant farm picking cotton. You’d better believe she did not have Dr. Phil or Oprah telling her how to navigate the rapids. Our ancestors were lucky to survive childhood because of diseases such as diphtheria, smallpox, and pertussis. Even ordinary measles could spell death before the days of antibiotics. So, the family system was oriented around simple survival. In the face of that, I can’t complain.

          This Thanksgiving, keep it small. Keep it calm. Don’t stress yourself out for that one giant meal. It’s not even true that the Pilgrims and Indians loved each other and celebrated together—unless, of course, you also believe that Babe the Blue Ox and Paul Bunyan cut down giant redwoods with a single blow. If you do, then start thawing out that turkey and gird your loins. It’s about to get real up in here!

                                                  In the Spirit,

                                                  Jane