Being
Human
“Loneliness
can be conquered only by those who can bear solitude.”
Paul
Tillich
For
some of us, the pandemic has taught us both the limits of our capacity for
solitude, and the limits of our ability to tolerate the constant stimulation of
being with others. If we are locked down alone, we crave conversation and stimulation,
and if we are locked down with others, we crave a moment of reprieve and
silence. Humans are unusual and sometimes amusing animals. We like to run with
the pack, except when we don’t want to—and we want to choose how long we run or
don’t run and who we run with.
The erratic behaviors
observed during the last eighteen months include an increase in irritability,
lack of concentration, and emotional volatility—in both children and adults. People
who have never exhibited anxiety, have bouts of intense anger over little
things—they yell and scream. And, then they can’t believe they acted that way
because it’s so out of character. That’s what the constant and continuous
stress of pandemic does to our mental health. Children sometimes regress—they go
back to wetting the bed or resisting bedtime or making up ailments. They are
needy in ways they have never been.
All this means is that we
need to care for and comfort ourselves and each other. We need to check in and
ask questions with both our children and our parents. And we need to call upon
our friends for conversation and companionship and be available to them in the
same way. When things get rough, when we are feeling down and out, we need to
let someone know. This is not the time to assume that “others have their own
lives, and I don’t want to be a burden.” But it is a good idea with friends and
family whom we know are busy, to make an appointment to chat. Ask them by text
or email, “what is the best time to call you?” and then put it in your calendar
and do it.
This is an opportunity to
monitor just how much we want to be with other people. On a scale of one to ten,
what’s your loneliness quotient? How long can you tolerate solitude without
becoming distressed or depressed? What do you do to help yourself? I find that having
a creative outlet of almost any kind helps. We have been told repeatedly that
one is never given more than they can handle, which is well intentioned but not
true. People regularly get more than they can handle, and when that happens,
they need help. Offer to help when you suspect someone needs it and ask for
help when you need it. If that equals weakness to you, then, don’t be afraid to
be weak. Be real. If there is one true gift of this horrible pandemic, it is
that we have been stripped down to reality. And that’s been a long time coming.
Our reality may not be pleasant now, but we can help make it better simply by being
human.
In the Spirit,
Jane
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