The Middle Passage

 

Mid-Life

“This discovery of the Self, and the gradual stabilization of it’s felt presence and guidance within conscious life, would become the foundation for a new experience of identity and integrity, based on an internal center, the Self, rather than rooted in externals, the cues and reinforcements from parental figures and other ‘models,’ from cultural influences and expectations and from collective pressures.”

Murray Stein (In Midlife, p. 27; Chiron Publications, 2014)

          Midlife is a time of enormous transition within and without. The new guidelines, because we live much longer than we once did, place midlife as beginning around 55 years of age, at least ten years later than we once thought. This change has much at do with having an active mind and body. We age according to our attitude toward life and, of course, according to our genetic make-up.

          Carl Jung believed that midlife is the turning point of consciousness. It is when we move from outer orientation to inner, from extroversion to introversion in a sense. Usually, that change in consciousness begins when we realize that half our life is behind us and begin to ask questions about where we want to go from here. Do you remember the song “What’s It All About Alfie,” from the film “Alfie?” It was written by Burt Bacharach and the first few lines are: 

“What’s it all about, Alfie?

Is it just for the moment we live?

What’s it all about when you sort it out, Alfie?

Are we meant to take more than we give?

Or are we meant to be kind…” 

          The film and the song are accurate examples of the questions we begin to ask at mid-life which take us on a long journey of discovery. Sometimes this journey begins because of a loss—of love, of joy, of position—that creates enough psychological pain that we can’t avoid it. If we manage not to numb it with substances or patch up the loss with someone or something new, we have an opportunity to delve into our own deep resources.

The Self is the soul, the internal wise one, the God spark. We have it from the beginning and occasionally it stabs through consciousness with awareness that we have broached our own moral compass, or that something is so beautiful and precious it brings us to our knees. But at midlife, we want to know more. The Self makes its presence known in dreams and synchronicity, in surprise and near rapture. Its voice becomes louder than the call of the outer cultural demands. It cannot be ignored.

          The middle passage is when long-term relationships wobble, some break apart because “you’ve changed.” How many of us have heard these words? “You aren’t the same person I married.” When one person begins to change, but the other doesn’t, it can cause huge rifts in love relationships and friendships. We find ourselves moving away from the known and into the unknown. Usually, we spend time going back and forth between the two. It is a chaotic passage, but a necessary one.

          This is the soul’s journey, and it will not be denied. The chaos is a necessary part of the whole movement from outer to inner guidance. This is when we grow up spiritually. In the words of Judith Vorst, this is a “necessary passage.” It is a journey in which you learn who you really are—aside from persona and ego. Who you are on the inside; and where your soul wants to take you. It isn’t easy, and unfortunately, it isn’t fast. But the journey is worth it. It’s like cracking through the crust of a chocolate lava cake to find the gooey, delicious center. And who doesn’t want that?

                                                  In the Spirit,

                                                  Jane