Tell
Your Truth
“For
a fully enlightened being, the difference between what is neurosis and what is
wisdom is very hard to perceive, because somehow the energy underlying both of
them is the same. The basic creative energy of life…Even though there are so
many teachings, so many meditations, so many instructions, the basic point of
it all is just to learn to be extremely honest and also wholehearted about what
exists in your mind—thoughts, emotions, bodily sensations, the whole thing that
adds up to what we call ‘me’ or ‘I.’”
Pema
Chodron (The Wisdom of No Escape, p.21-22; Shambala, 1991)
This
seems like a basic, straight forward, clear instruction, doesn’t it? “…the
basic point is just to learn to be extremely honest and also wholehearted about
what exists in your mind.” Piece of cake, huh. You may wonder then why all
human beings obfuscate; why we contort the facts and make up lies out of whole
cloth. Extensive research done by behavioral scientists and criminologists finds that, on
average, human beings lie, or are lied to, approximately 200 time per day.
Fifty-two percent of the time, we don’t realize we’ve been lied to. In other words,
we’re gullible more than half the time.
To be
sure, most of the lies we tell are not catastrophic in their scope, but some
are, and some are damaging when the truth comes out. Many are what we like to
call “white lies,” meaning they are designed to be kind to the receiver, to camouflage
our true feelings and thoughts, and prevent others from knowing us as we are. We
compliment someone we don’t like, or we swear that we agree with their ideas
when we don’t, and we verbally (and dishonestly) smooth over ruffled feathers
so as not to cause discomfort. The same creative energy we use to make beautiful
things, write moving poetry, compose music, allows us to lie through our teeth.
The problem is that lying acts as a smoke screen around us; it is a barrier to
real communication, to true intimacy. If you cannot trust someone (or yourself)
to tell the truth, you cannot truly know them.
And to
take this one step further, sometimes we don’t even know when we, ourselves,
are lying. Sometimes it is simply second nature to say what someone else wants
to hear whether we mean it or not, whether we even agree with it. We have a
classic example of this in our politicians—to the point that no one even
expects them to tell the truth anymore. We have made it acceptable for our
representatives in government to say whatever is expedient in the moment. It’s
like putting lidocaine on a wound—it makes it feel better but does nothing to
heal the wound.
All of
this has become common; we have normalized lying. Which is the problem. We
wonder why no one feels safe—why trust is so rare in human relationships. Think
how it feels to conduct an entire lifetime this way—saying whatever is “cool”
in the moment, rarely or never expressing an honest opinion, just going through
your days removing yourself from your own truth and by doing so, keeping
everyone else at bay. That is one lonely existence, isn’t it?
The
solution is what Pema Chodron suggested—becoming a fully enlightened being—and that
takes self-awareness, compassion, and honesty. There is so much in this world
that is wonderful, and beautiful, and amazing—including human beings. Honesty
is the open door; it is the threshold upon which all human relationships rest.
Tune in, listen to yourself, pay attention to your thoughts. It is better to
say nothing than to lie. And it’s far better to tell the truth, no matter what.
In
the Spirit,
Jane
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