Spiritual
Advantages
“Adults
who were hurt as children inevitably exhibit a peculiar strength, a profound
wisdom, and a remarkable creativity and insight. Deep within them—just beneath
the wound—lies a profound spiritual vitality, a quiet knowing, a way of
perceiving what is beautiful, right, and true. Since their early experiences
were so dark and painful, they have spent much of their lives in search of the
gentleness, love and peace they have only imagined in the privacy of their own
hearts.”
Wayne Muller (Legacy of the Heart: The Spiritual Advantages of a Painful
Childhood)
Wayne
Muller, one of my super-heroes, writes with beautiful, poetic clarity and
strength of character. Reading any of his books is luxurious and disturbing at
once. Deeply human, and compassionate, he brings all of himself to whatever he
is involved in. And, he had the painful childhood he writes about.
While I
don’t agree that a painful childhood universally produces adults with
extrasensory perception and spiritual vitality, I can say for certain that I
don’t often see those characteristics in individuals who grew up privileged in
the usual ways. Selfish children can, and do, grow up to be selfish adults. Unless
something intervenes to wake them up, usually something painful, they can live
their entire lives feeling entitled. On the other hand, so can children who
grow up on the hard scrabble side of life. Bitterness is no more attractive
than entitlement.
Author Steven
Covey said, “I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my
decisions.” I know many people, and I’m sure you do too, who have risen
above incredibly difficult childhood conditions to become responsible,
contributing adults despite the odds. Wayne is one of them. He did,
however, have the advantage of a brilliant mind, which of course, not everyone does—myself
included. Some of us are disadvantaged in profound ways; rising above may not
mean going to a prestigious college and writing life-changing books. It may mean
having a job that confers a degree of self-respect. Or simply being a loving,
caring human being.
Life produces biodiversity,
and biodiversity produces vitality both in human beings and in cultural systems.
Our attitudes make all the difference. We need people at all levels of
livelihood, and "lovelyhood," to be appreciated equally. Not everything can be perfect, but
everything can be good. A little give and take, a little high and low, and a
deep appreciation for all human beings who bring whatever they have to the
table—with or without advantages. That’s how we balance the scales. As Fr.
David Steindl-Rast described it, we move our society from a top-down model to a
path that goes door-to-door. If you had a painful childhood, you’re in luck. You’ve
got a head start on that vision.
In the Spirit,
Jane
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