Finding Family

 

Your Clan

“Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family: Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.”

Jane Howard

          Being among family is, for most of us, especially after the year of pandemic isolation, a wonderful thing. It is a gushing, gesturing conversation that hates interruption for sleep. You cook and eat and talk and talk and talk. I wonder if we will ever run out of words. The business of catching up has worked our tongue muscles harder than any gymnasium works our biceps. What seems to predominate are stories, stories that perhaps we’ve heard before, but that grow better with retelling. At my life stage, careful observation is employed—for changes that might herald health problems. So far, so good here in the Piedmont.

          I met a young trans man recently whose family completely abandoned him because of his life choices. I felt compassion for him as he searched for transplantation into a new tribe. I try to imagine how it would be to have one’s family say, “we don’t ever want to see you again.” Even when your kinfolks drive you crazy, they are still your family, and it still hurts to be cast aside. Fortunately, this young man has found a clan to hang with who love and appreciate him like Mr. Rogers—just the way he is. Richard Bach wrote: “The bond that links true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life.” So true. We all have a family-of-choice that may or may not include our blood kin.

          The bond of kinship is made of blood and bone, yes, but also of shared history, shared stories, and a deep and mysterious love. Even when we are miles apart religiously, politically, and in other ways, we can learn to negotiate the rough waters and high tides of life without condemnation and heartbreak. When we don’t make that effort, everyone suffers. When we do, we thrive.

          Whatever you call family—clan, tribe, kith, or kin—it’s better than good to have one. It is essential for health and happiness. We may have to cobble together a ragtag band of misfits, but sometimes those are the very best families. The ones who take joy in your presence, who celebrate your life, and who want to be around you even with your quirks and bad jokes—those are your people, and you are theirs. And it’s good to have people.

                                                            In the Spirit,

                                                            Jane