Stand in the Light

 

Flaws and All

“Courage starts by showing up and letting yourself be seen.”

Brene Brown

          We learn from an early age how to hide things about ourselves from others. I think Southern women are especially talented in this arena. If we have a physical flaw, we plan our wardrobe, our degree of exposure, to minimize the sight of it. If we think a negative thought, or don’t want to be honest about something or someone, we camouflage with flowery speech, or we straight up lie about it. We are very adept in the art of smoke screening what we want to hide.

It seems human to want to shine the best light on ourselves, and to try to obscure traits we prefer not to have. The only problem is it means we are never fully ourselves. Others cannot know us if we only present one aspect of ourselves to them. I, for instance, can be friendly, charming, and gracious (white Southern culture requirements for females), but I am also impatient, and I abhor small talk, which is the backbone of Southern society. When alone, I curse like a mad dog, something a Southern lady would never, ever do. I wonder about you—what do you hide from others?

           Sometimes it is wise to hide behind a smoke screen. If you don’t know the person you are talking to, or if you know them to have a short fuse, it’s smart not to strike a match. Healthy boundaries are always appropriate. But if there is someone you care about, someone you want to know at more than a superficial level, be real with them. There is nothing worse than realizing ten or fifteen years into a relationship, that you don’t really know this other person, or that they don’t know who you truly are. You cannot have a soulmate if you do not allow your soul to be seen.

          Brene Brown, who writes books and speaks all over the world, also occupies an endowed research chair at the University of Houston. She has researched and written extensively about the importance of vulnerability in all kinds of relationships. According to her, “Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to stay connected…What we know matters, but who we are matters more.” If we want deep, warm, and trusting relationships, then we have to step from behind the curtain of our anxiety and stand in the light of honesty, flaws and all. After all, we’re all human here.

                                                  In the Spirit,

                                                  Jane