Fear
“Fear
keeps us rooted in the past. Fear of the unknown, fear of abandonment, fear of rejection,
fear of not having enough, fear of not being enough, fear of the future—all these
fears and more keep us trapped, repeating the same old patterns, and making the
same choices over and over again. Fear prevents us from moving outside the
comfort of—or even the familiar discomfort of—what we know. It’s nearly
impossible to achieve our highest vision for our lives as long as we are being
guided by our fear.”
Debbie Ford
One
fear I have is of long-distance travel. The idea of getting on an airplane and
flying to the other side of the planet overwhelms me with dread. Granted, I’ve
had some bad experiences traveling to places where I don ‘t speak the language
and they don’t speak mine. And because I’ve had a couple of bad experiences, I
am afraid to try again. That’s what Ford means when she says it keeps us rooted
in the past. But it also keeps me rooted where I am. I will never be a world
traveler, there are millions of places I will never see, and most of the time,
I’m okay with that. I find long-distance travel exhausting and stressful—but I
would love to see Ireland, my ancestral home, and fear is preventing me from
doing that, too.
It’s a
conundrum. The international trips I have taken wore me out, but I also learned
some invaluable lessons—how much I take for granted, for one thing. Watching Mayan
women washing their family’s clothes on rocks in a river or seeing the Costa
Rican villagers push their rowboats into the waves every morning to catch food
for their children—had a powerful impact on this privileged white American. We
cannot learn such lessons and remain comfortable in our clean little world. So,
what’s it going to be—temporary discomfort and powerful learning, or the
sedentary comforts of home and hearth, with no surprises?
I don’t
know about you, but I still battle fear every day—fear of putting myself out
and being rejected, fear of feeling inferior—there’s a long list. I will
probably go to my grave with some fear still clinging to me. But here’s what I
have learned—you don’t have to let fear stop you. You can do whatever you want despite the fear. I remember one morning when I was in my early 20’s, I had
been invited to speak to the Raleigh Lions Club about the program I directed
for children with severe disabilities. I walked into the room for this
breakfast meeting expecting there to be forty or fifty people. Instead, there
were 250 MEN—I was the only female in the room, and suddenly I was terrified.
Now, these were presumably respectable businessmen, and a member of my Board of
Directors was right there on the podium with me, but still, I was truly scared
to death. I got up, gave the speech with my neck and face panic-purple, my eyes
flowing tears, and my legs shaking so hard, I wasn’t sure they were going to
hold me up. I got through it, they applauded, and the meeting broke up. I
survived. I gave many public speeches in that condition and finally got
courageous enough to say to the room, “Don’t worry about me, I’m just having a
small panic attack.” They would laugh, and I would go on with my talk. I think
people are forgiving of such anxiety because they know they would feel the same
way. And that’s true for your fears, too.
Whatever
scares us, others have experienced as well, and they, too, thought they were
alone. It’s human to feel fear in new and challenging circumstances—just don’t
let it stop you from doing what you want to do. Push through, be honest about
it—even Hollywood actors feel fear when they are put on the spot. We’ve all
witnessed too many awkward Oscar speeches to forget that. Just make fear your
traveling companion—tell him/her what you are feeling and that you’re both
going to be okay. If you take care of him (or her), maybe he won’t make you so
miserable. Wonder if my fear wants to see Ireland, too.
In
the Spirit,
Jane
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