Bless Our Solitude
“The
blessings for which we hunger are not to be found in other places or people.
These gifts can only be given to you by yourself. They are at home at the
hearth of your soul.”
John
O’Donohue (Anam Cara)
One thing
this pandemic year has highlighted for me is the difference between aloneness
and solitude. Being alone all the time feels like a desert wind blowing across
sand—there is no fecundity, no inspiration. It’s as dry as dust. Solitude, on
the other hand, is open and green and inviting. It’s the difference between
sitting in the dirt, listening to an empty wind, and lying in a field of sweet
grass watching cloud formations.
Most of
my life, I sought aloneness. Growing up, as with most poor families, there was
no privacy at our house. My older sister and I split a bedroom down the middle,
but it directly connected to our parents’ bedroom, and contained the piano that
our little sister banged on and our grandmother played every day. In other
words, it was public space. Our family of six shared one bathroom and when I bathed,
my little sister was in the tub with me. For me, privacy was found in the woods
and creek bottoms and on my bicycle. I stayed outside as much as possible, not out
of anger, but because that is where I found solitude. Solitude brings comfort.
The
pandemic has taught us much about our tolerance for aloneness. Most of us are
beginning to feel a small fire of panic in the pit of our stomachs—if we don’t resume
a semi-normal social life soon, we may spontaneously combust. Being alone all
the time does not bring comfort.
But even during pandemic-induced
isolation, one can find moments of solitude. Especially now that the weather is
warming and, here in the deep South, birds are busy building nests while
daffodils fling open their yellow cups. Spring is waking up the wild onions and
crocus in the front yard, and scents of dandelions and hyacinths mingle in the
air. We can still go outside.
Here is some advice from
Melody Beattie (Journey to the Heart, p.303): “Open your heart to the
universe. Let it bring you healing. Let it take you back to your past long
enough to heal, so you can move forward into Joy.” Sounds like a good idea
to me.
In the Spirit,
Jane
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