We Are Made of the Same Stuff

 

Empathy Is Critical to Wholeness

“Empathy says: You and I are made of the same lovely, heartbroken, and screwed up stuff. You are not an object to me right now…Empathy, a moment’s compassion, seeing that everyone has equal value, even people who have behaved badly, is as magnetic a force as gravity.”

Anne Lamott (Almost Everything: Notes on Hope, p.174; Riverhead Books, 2018)

          Yesterday, I wrote about wholeness. Gaining the ability to empathize is part of becoming whole. If we can take someone else’s worldview, even for a few minutes, we may have a chance of reaching wholeness in this lifetime. It’s easy enough to be empathetic with people with whom we identify, but exceptionally difficult with folks we don’t like or agree with, or people who have wronged us in some way, or who espouse a contradictory philosophy. Much of our current divisiveness as families and as a nation has to do with our inability to empathize. That is the root problem, and we have now dug down deep enough to expose those roots.

          The idea of empathy was what Jesus tried to get across to his followers in the Sermon on the Mount. He said, “But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment…Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” (Matt. 5:22-24) Most of us were given the advice, “don’t go to bed angry,” with our partners, and we took it to heart. Now we must expand it to include the people we disagree with, even people we dislike.

          Empathy may or may not involve forgiveness, but it lasts longer when it does. As Anne Lamott points out, we are all made of the same stuff. Condemning someone for things we have done ourselves is not just hypocritical, it keeps us tethered to the mistake. To forgive and let go allows us to heal. Empathy says, “I have made that mistake myself and I need forgiveness just like you do.” It is like exhaling a breath you have been holding for too long.

          There is an adage that says holding onto resentment and anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. These are toxic emotions. If we can let them go, we will feel lighter, calmer, and happier. Life is too short as it is to keep drinking the poison. As an individual, and as a nation, can we lay our divisions down, and allow the Prince of Peace to enter us? Isn’t that what Christmas is all about?

                                                  In the Spirit,

                                                  Jane