Gold
Stars
“Maybe
one of these days I’ll be able to give myself a gold star for being ordinary,
and maybe one of these days I’ll give myself a gold star for being
extraordinary—for persisting. And maybe one day I won’t need to have a star at
all.”
Sue
Bender (Plain and Simple: A Woman’s Journey to the Amish, Harper Collins, 1989)
Did you
earn gold stars when you were a kid? I seem to remember a teacher or two who
used that approach to crowd control; if you got a certain number in a week, you
got a prize of some sort. Nobody at home had time to give stars. Mother was
never that organized—just so overwhelmed with the chores our household required
that it never occurred to her to give anything beyond please and thank you. She
cooked three meals a day, washed the dishes from at least two of them, did all
our laundry, hung it on lines to dry and then ironed it. She took care of
Missy, who was completely dependent, and on top of that, she made most of our
clothes, canned or froze all the produce from the garden, and did the housework.
I don’t believe she ever received a gold star for any of it.
Speaking
of stars, there will be a conjunction of Saturn and Jupiter on December 21st
that will create, for the first time in 800 years, a very bright Solstice star.
It is almost as if the cosmos is trying its best to cheer us up. Maybe we
finally got the message that Christmas is not about spending money to give
lavish gifts, but about light and life and joy. It took a pandemic to teach us
that, but we finally got it! And we are getting a gold star for figuring it
out!
I like
what Sue Bender wrote about giving gold stars for being ordinary. Her time
among the Amish taught her that work is its own reward, and that if you get
your ego tied up in whatever you are doing, you probably should not do it. I
studied Amish quilts for a while, and even made a few. They are simple and
beautiful, and if the quilt-maker gets competitive and ego-driven while making
one, she (or he) turns one block upside down to add imperfection. Now that’s
something I might earn a gold star for—extraordinary imperfection!
My
ninety-seven-year-old friend, Ethel, is in the hospital with Covid-19. As her
daughter-in-law says, “she’s a tough old bird,” and may survive it. If anyone
on earth should get a gold star, it’s Ethel. She served her country in WWII,
married, and when her husband died young, she raised a family single handed
while working as a Physical Therapist. Once retired, she traveled with the Audubon
Society, made beautiful white oak baskets and decorative gourds, regularly sold
at Art Festivals and galleries. Until a few years ago, she was backpacking in
the wilderness areas of the deep South to count birds. She has lived a long, full
life and will likely still teach a few lessons to the Doctors and Nurses taking
care of her. She should get that gold star for being an extraordinary woman.
Notice
that Sue Bender said she would give herself that gold star. I wonder whether
you have ever given yourself one. I have learned to thank myself for a good
meal or making something I like. I say, “Good job, Jane!” and respond, “Thank
you very much!” What would you give yourself a star for? Would it have to be “the
best!” or could it be something ordinary that required persistence? Don’t wait
for the world to reward you. Go ahead and give yourself a little pat on the
back. And be sure to watch for that Solstice star—your reward for surviving
this terrible year.
In
the Spirit,
Jane
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