Tell
the Truth
“The
real things haven’t changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to
make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and to have
courage when things go wrong.”
Laura
Ingalls Wilder
Our
political climate has pushed the definition of honesty out the door and off a
cliff. All of us lie. That’s a fact. But most of us tell innocent lies—white lies,
like, “that dress looks really good on you.” White lies are told to keep from hurting
someone’s feelings or to get us out of an awkward situation. All lies are told
to manipulate, but some are more egregious than others. So, for many years we
have been scaling up our lying to the point that it’s not even cloaked in earnestness
anymore. It is, instead, blatant, and unabashed. I don’t know what this says
about us as a species, but I decided to take a look at what some of our seminal
thinkers had to say about honesty.
We have
had many wisdom teachers. For instance, Mahatma Gandhi said, “The truth
never damages a cause that is just,” and, “To believe in something and
not live it, is dishonest.” Thomas Jefferson, one of our founding fathers,
said, “Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.” And, Albert
Einstein, our greatest scientific mind, said, “Whoever is careless with the truth
in small matters, cannot be trusted with important matters.” Clearly, we
have been taught that honesty is the best policy, so how did we get so far off
course?
I believe lying is born
out of fear of losing something valuable. I don’t think we are all simply
pathological liars; we are trying to protect something we love—perhaps our
privilege or our way of life. Lying is a foil against change—at least for a
while. Leo Tolstoy said that “Anything is better than lies and deceit.” But
is it better if the truth means you will have to sacrifice something dear?
Which one of us would give up an eye, for instance, if a lie would save it? Not
many. So how do we get back to honesty in our relationships? Tolstoy shed some
light on that too: we must become “freethinkers.”
“Freethinkers
are those who are willing to use their minds without prejudice and without
fearing to understand things that clash with their own customs, privileges, or
beliefs. This state of mind is not common, but it is essential for right
thinking…” (Tolstoy)
In other words, we must evolve.
We must gain emotional maturity, and we mature emotionally by doing our psychological
work. If we can cut through the lies, and just be honest with ourselves and with
one another about our fears, we have a chance of mending our self-inflicted
wounds. Here is another truth: Being honest makes us vulnerable, and willingness
to stand in our vulnerability makes us strong. Sounds paradoxical, I know, but
many a truth is found in paradox. Lies and manipulation do not make us smart or
strong. Our willingness to open ourselves up to the truth about us, and face the
good with the bad, makes us strong. And, lord knows, the world needs strong,
honest people right now.
In the Spirit,
Jane
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