Issues
of Fairness
“As
long as we see what has come to pass as being unfair, we will be a prisoner of
what might have been.”
Mark
Nepo (The Book of Awakening, p.153)
We seem
to entertain issues of fairness a lot in our world today—usually in situations
that are not especially unfair. Some of our leaders and their surrogates claim
that most of what comes at them is “unfair, biased, fake,” while never measuring
their own speech and accusations using the same yardstick. The theme seems to
be if it is against me, it is unfair. Reminiscent of childhood when we did the
blame/shame game endlessly, it sets a juvenile tone for what should be mature communication.
“You did! No, I didn’t! Yes, you did! You’re mean!” Remember that?
One of
the greatest mistakes of humankind is to hold others accountable for our own path.
It keeps us from growing up and taking responsibility for our lives, and it
keeps the poison of the “injustice” alive within us. We nurse an endless grudge
that requires psychic energy to keep fresh. I see lots of people—even people my
age—who are still blaming their parents for mistreating them and causing them a
lifetime of pain. There comes a time to let that go and to stand in your own strength
and claim your life in its wholeness. Few of us have, or had, perfect parents, but
even so, we grow up, move out, establish our own homes, and create our own relationships.
We also make our own mistakes. Along with our hard-won independence comes
personal responsibility for our words, our behavior, and the trajectory of our
lives.
The biggest
misfortune of the victim identity is that it keeps us looking backward instead
of living in the present moment or looking forward to the future. We become, as
Nepo said, “a prisoner of what might have been”—or rather, what we
believe should have been. Backward looking robs us of today and dampens
our enthusiasm for tomorrow. It’s not worth it.
A good image for letting
go of this worldview is a kite with a tail that is too-long. The weight of the
tail drags the kite down and keeps it bound to the ground. In your mind’s eye,
see yourself snipping off two-thirds of that tail. Now what happens to the
kite? It rises and spins and rides the breeze. Isn’t that a happy thought? Don’t
you want to fly that kite?
In the Spirit,
Jane
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