Hospitality
“People
will forget what you said, forget what you did, but people will never
forget how you made them feel.”
Maya
Angelou
I don't know about you,
but I'm a creature of habit. I have routines. I stay the course. When
things come along that throw off my usual round, I chafe a bit. My
automatic first response is to say “I don't want to do that.”
This is a challenge I will face for the rest of my days—how to be
open and welcoming to unexpected events and people. I like to blame
it on being an introvert—and that does contribute “bigly” as
the president would say, but it's truly a resistance to surprises. I
like to be in control. So these days, I'm trying to out-grow my
reluctance to engage the world spontaneously.
One of the things we do,
or at least I do, when I am resisting spontaneity, is to disappear in
one way or another. We tune out, we make up reasons to withdraw, and
we do not enthusiastically engage. In other words, we go through the
motions without committing ourselves fully to the process. When it is
people we are resisting, even if we put on our smiley face, they feel
the lack of genuine interest. The encounter feels lifeless, flat.
It's kind of like having an exchange with the cashier at the grocery
store—they have been taught to say the right words, so they say
them, but there's no warmth. People feel that instantly, and it's not
a good feeling.
When we have a built-in
resistance to hospitality, which most introverts do, we can either
shut ourselves in and refuse to encounter the world, or we can work
with ourselves to change the trait. There's a reason it's there—most
likely a holdover from childhood trauma—but it doesn't have to
define the rest of our lives. Small steps—allowing in one or two
people, going to one new place—will set the stage for larger ones.
Being conscious of internal responses and self-talk is important,
too. Acknowledge your fear, and rather than telling yourself it's
irrational, neurotic, and stupid, give yourself a little positive pep
talk. “I can do this. I'm a little anxious, but that's okay.”
I find that if I just say
“yes” to things instead of “no,” my life is more
interesting—less controlled for sure, but more vital. I learn
things about myself and others, and have opportunities to observe how
other people cope and engage. All of life is a teaching lab, and most
of us have a lot to learn. Today is a good day to practice
hospitality.
In the Spirit,
Jane
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