Tell it like it is.

Real Strength

“Sometimes we think being strong means not giving in to our emotions. But that's not strength; that's denial and resistance. Real power comes from being vulnerable enough to feel whatever we feel.”

Melody Beattie (Journey to the Heart)

I grew up with a father I never saw cry. He had been taught that men don't cry and that crying is for sissies, and all the other ridiculous, macho Southern diatribe for “stuff your feelings, boy.” He suppressed his tender side to the point that he couldn't cry even when he wanted to. I hope we teach our sons that it is okay for them to cry. There are things in this world worthy of tears, both of tears of sadness and of joy.

Strength is revealed in feeling what you feel in the moment; it comes with simply being honest. Sometimes we are in situations in which we can't just bawl or scream, but we can at least speak our authentic emotions. We can say, “that makes me really sad,” or “I feel like crying,” or, “I'm too angry to talk about this right now, so let me take a break and come back to it later.” Speaking our true feelings gives other people permission to speak theirs. Being able to express emotions honestly, in plain language, is one of the “soft-skills” so prized in the work-place these days.

When you have strong emotions, don't be afraid. The fastest way to move through sadness or anger is to allow yourself to feel what you feel, express yourself without blaming someone else, and then let go. When we clamp down on anger or sorrow, we also hamper our ability to experience joy. Such suppression causes us to feel empty, because emotions are the very essence of our humanity. Feel, express, release, and move on. That's what strength looks like.

In the spirit

Jane