Vigorous
Aging
“With
older women, the cultural script is that we're unattractive, sexless,
bossy, in the way, useless. When in fact, most women I know are
deeply engaged in their communities and families. They're activists.
They're artists. They're volunteering. They have great groups of
women friends, which at least for me, are my mental health
insurance.”
Mary
Pipher, Ph.D. (excerpt from interview with Clare Ansberry, The Wall
Street Journal, Jan. 9, 2019)
Mary Pipher is a clinical
psychologist who wrote a memorable book about teenaged girls back in
the '90's called Reviving Ophelia. Now in her seventies, she has a
new book coming out titled Women Rowing North. It's about aging, and
especially aging positively. One of the things she reports is the number of women who say this the happiest time of
their lives. For many women, it is only after the children grow up
and move out, and the demands of 9-5 are past, that they come alive
with their own creative interests and desires. Here are a couple of
things from this article and an interview I heard with her on The 1A
this week that rang true for me: “We all have the ability at 55
or 70 to determine our own happiness.” The skills for attaining
happiness are (1) gratitude, and (2) humor. Gratitude for all life's
blessings, large and small, even the ones that cause us pain. And
humor about...well...everything. Truly, as you age and come to grips
with life's challenges, a sense of humor is far and away the greatest
safety net available.
She further stated, “This
life stage requires a constant process of adjustment and
accommodation.” We can grieve the losses, both physical and
mental, but in the end, we just have to pull up our big-girls (or
big-boys) and go on. Resilient people figure out how to cope and how
to accommodate and then get on with their lives. And speaking of
resilience, the greatest “mental health insurance” at this
life-stage is close friends. And by close, I mean friends who know
your assets and your liabilities, and love you anyway. Who will point
out when you are wrong, and celebrate with you when you get it right.
Who will visit, and talk, and with whom there are no pretenses. Some
folks in their sixties and seventies are involved in “Resilience
Groups,” which meet regularly for conversation, help each other
when need arises, have fun together, and are active in joint service
projects. Loneliness is a big problem for older people since many
live alone, and no longer have the daily interaction of the
workplace. Close friends are the antidote.
She chose the title,
Women Rowing North, for her book on aging because North is the
direction we associate with winter, with white hair and aging, and
rowing is hard work. In other words, we can't just sit back and let
the current take us. We have to stay active and pro-active if we want
to live well for our whole lives. But this is also a time of great
freedom and fun. If you're there, welcome to the river! Grab a
paddle!
In the Spirit,
Jane
No comments:
Post a Comment