Expectations
“We are
compulsive about expectations. They are psychic anchors we toss into
a future space in such a way that we get all our fantasy needs met,
even 'beyond our expectations.'”
Caroline
Myss (Caroline's Blog, Game Changers, Part 4)
Part of becoming a
conscious Being is beginning to see how our expectations color our
moods and emotions. To have expectations is natural—even our canine
and feline friends have expectations. The black cat who lives on my
porch now has buddies who come along with the expectation of getting
his left-over kibble. If I shoo the black cat away instead of feeding him, he retaliates by
scratching me, and then, out of pure anger, he sometimes goes after
his friends as well. It is a good mirror for us to watch our
mammalian relatives for clues as to what we do on a slightly
different level. How many of us know someone who has grandiose
expectations of others that, when thwarted, go into attack mode—they
“pitch a fit,” as my mother would say. They curse, and name call,
and threaten, and belittle whomever has disappointed them. Sounds
familiar, right?
The problem is usually
not the behavior of the other person or persons, but the unrealistic
expectations we hold. The Buddhists and Taoists will tell us, “don't
be attached to outcomes.” And, it's not just a matter of saying
we're not attached to the outcome, is it? Identifying our own
expectations, which are sometimes deeply shrouded in history and
mystery even to us, is solid soul work. Even small things, like the
family holiday dinner, hold gigantic and historic expectations for
almost all of us. We idealize and fantasize about perfection, and
when perfection does not occur, which it rarely does, we are left
feeling disappointed and sometimes terribly sad. It wasn't the meal
or the family who are to blame for our feelings, but our expectations of perfection.
Caroline Myss writes in
her blog, “Game Changers” that, “Giving up the compulsion to
have expectations is one of the most rigorous of all spiritual
practices,” because we have to confront and overcome our own
nature. It is hard work. When we can do it even once, we will
experience the true meaning of grace. It feels like being able to
expand your lungs fully with a deep, refreshing breath after being in a
body-cast for a year. Expansive and other-worldly, letting go of
expectations is a life-altering practice. “Wax on, wax off,
Grasshopper, ” (Mr. Miyagi)
In the Spirit,
Jane
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