Friday, December 14, 2018

"I should be doing something with my life!"


Good People

A memorable heart is the easiest way to immortality.”
Suzy Kassem (Rise Up and Salute the Sun)

My friend, Garvice, told me yesterday about a story he had seen on TV about everyday heroes. It featured a woman who noticed how much food restaurants throw away at the end of the day; food, she reckoned, that could be used to feed people in homeless shelters. She set up a website that allowed restaurant owners to list their remaining food so that shelters could claim it and then come and pick it up. I believe she called it Access. That is such an heroic act for someone who has the skills to set up such a site. What a gift to the homeless community!

I had a conversation with my son, Ian, recently about what is expected of good people. He said he realized that he had all the advantages—a good mind, a great education, a healthy body, and that he “should be doing something with his life.” I recognized that thought instantly, because it was the one I'd carried around all of my life. I grew up with two sisters who had disabilities, and so did Ian's father. Each of us was the only so-called “normal” child in our families. I always thought there must be some cosmic reason I had been spared from the fate of my sisters—there was something I was supposed to do to justify such mercy. So, I spent most of my professional life working with people with disabilities. Unfortunately, it didn't result in the abatement of the feeling that there was something I should be doing that I wasn't. I wonder if you have similar feelings.

Most of us want to be better than we think we are. We hold the notion that other people have huge, life-altering altruism, and make enormous contributions to society, and that they are different and better than us. We tell ourselves that we are not doing enough good because we are too lazy, or too self-absorbed, or some other belittling notion. Like Ian, we should be “doing something with our lives,” that we are not doing. I want to stick a pin in that balloon. I don't believe that we have to “do good” on a grand scale to be good people—nor do we have to justify the air that we breathe or the food we eat. Being kind, and gracious, and generous with the gifts with which we're endowed is enough. We can do good on a small scale and that, too, is an enormous contribution to society. In other words, you don't have to find a cure for AIDS or Ebola, you don't have to feed the thousands, or rescue people from burning buildings to be an everyday hero. If you have those skills, then by all means use them, but if you don't have them, then find the niche where you fit and do that. That is what is required of you—give what you have to give, do what you are able to do, and live your life with respect and appreciation for your ability to do that.

I found a quote by Lailah Gifty Akita, which reads, “Little things done with love are much better that big things done without love.” Sometimes, just being present with another person is the best gift of all. Listening, laughing, looking into their eyes, offering good conversation and genuine love—that's what a good person does. That's what we “should be doing with our lives.”

                                                        In the Spirit,
                                                           Jane

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