Touching
a Nerve
“We all
touch the nerve of life, which thrills and terrifies us, though we
each react to that touch very personally. And it doesn't matter what
brings us to the nerve of life. It might be truth or falsehood or a
confusion as to what is real. What matters is that we face the nerve
of life when it appears, the way Jacob wrestled the unnamed angel in
the bottom of the ravine until it blessed him.”
Mark Nepo
(Weekly Reflection: The Heartfelt Way)
There are happenings in
every life, sooner or later, that stand out clearly as a turning
point. It may be the end of a relationship that's been dying slowly
for years; or it may be an unexpected diagnosis that will cause us
great hardship. It may be an accident, or an injury. It may be the
discovery that we are pregnant, or in love. Or, we may simply wake up
one day and know at the core of our being that things must change. The time has come. We
must make a sharp turn and go in a different direction. That moment
of realization is both exciting, and terrifying, because it carries
us into the unknown.
Sometimes, we are brought
face-to-face with our own mortality. Perhaps a friend or a loved one
dies, and we realize that life is short, unpredictable, and a bit
precarious. We understand that we must do what we've been putting
off—make changes we have been pondering, but not acted upon. Could
be some piece of our life has been dreamed about but ignored; some
expression of our soul has always existed, but never been taken
seriously. Life was too busy, there were too many things to take care
of, too many demands that seemed more important. Now, suddenly, we
realize that time will not stretch on forever, and we'd better get
cracking.
This is not necessarily
age-related. We do see this “nerve of life” event more often as
decades pass, but it could be the 30th birthday, or the
50th, or the 70th. We reassess; we question
where we are, what we're doing, and where we are headed. We take
stock. These are our Jabbok moments. We are deep in the ravine; we
wrestle with our own angel, and come away changed. (Genesis 32:22-31)
Sometimes, we come away too fearful to make the leap, but just as
often, we pivot to a new way of being in the world. One in which
more of our true nature asserts itself, our wholeness is revealed.
As uncomfortable as they
are, there is a blessing in these wrestling matches. We cannot help
but recognize the truth behind them. We may not activate the changes
right away, but we're clear-eyed in seeing them. They can no longer
be ignored. As for myself, I've noticed that when I ignore the urging of an angel, that angel gets larger and louder until I come
around. It's best not to ignore a heavenly messenger. Trust me.
In the Spirit,
Jane
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