Loving
Ordinary
“I think
perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run
carefully enough, hitting each stepping-stone just right, you won't
have to die. The truth is that you will die anyway, and that a lot of
people who aren't even looking at their feet are going to do a whole
lot better than you and have a lot more fun while they're doing it.”
Anne
Lamont
A friend of mine, Linda,
sent me this Anne Lamont quote. I just had to laugh. I try so hard to
carefully choose my words and tiptoe around any possibly offensive
ideas, that I may as well write in a straight jacket. Not Anne
Lamont! She just lays it out there, take it or leave it, and screw
you if you can't take a joke! I love that.
Perfectionism is the
hob-goblin of our time. People are so up-tight about how they look,
and how they come across, what someone else will think of them that
it's just plain sad. Take me, for instance. I'm trying to plan a
party for my friend, Melissa, who just finished ten years of training
at the Jung Institute in Zurich, and is Birmingham's newest analyst.
If you've been reading my blog for a while, you know that I'm an
introverted person, whose idea of hell is an eternal cocktail party
where you're forced to make small-talk forevermore. Just shoot me
now! But I want to celebrate my friend, so I'm doing this. I walk
around my house thinking, “Oh, no! The windows need cleaning, the
paint is peeling off the hallway ceiling, the cabinet doors have
'stuff' running down them! What will people think!” I lie awake
staring at the ceiling and wondering how on earth I can have my house
cleaned and painted in two weeks time! It's crazy! When was the last
time you went to a party and noticed the ceiling paint? Never, right!
Perfectionism comes in
many forms and to all kinds of people—but I think it may be worst
among the truly accomplished. People who work hard to be the best,
who were led to believe, as I was, that “ordinary” is an
disgraceful condition. We never leave ourselves alone, and no matter
how well we do something, we are not satisfied. There is always an
unacceptable flaw. And, boy-howdy, does old age frustrate the living
daylights out of us. Getting to the point when you can't physically
do what you once did is an absolute insult. God's little joke on the
human race.
Learning to let go of
perfectionism is a life-long challenge. There are people who merrily
skip along the stepping-stones without looking down, but I don't know
any of them. What it highlights for us “pushers” is the
growth-edge of human development. Our own personal growth-edge. The
one that we've continuously thrust forward must now pull back, and be
satisfied with less than perfect. It's a challenge; even more of a
challenge than pushing has been. A bit of a paradox, too, but as long
as we live, life will move us in the direction of growth. And right
now, growth is not being better and better. Growth is allowing
oneself to fall in love with ordinary. As Anne Lamont says, we're all
headed for the great-beyond, so we may as well learn to enjoy the
ride.
In the Spirit,
Jane
No comments:
Post a Comment