Helpers

Soul Mates

“A soul mate's purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life...”

Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

Most of us don't think of a soul mate in Elizabeth Gilbert's terms. We think of them as someone who loves us no matter what, who recognizes and mirrors our in-most being, and who supports us regardless of circumstances. But, think about that for a minute. Suppose our ultimate purpose here in the “Earth School” is to grow toward our soul, and by doing so, to contribute to the evolution of the world's soul. In that case, what we need in a soul mate is someone who will push us to do just that. Not someone who will allow us to wallow around in self-assurance that we are lovable and delightful no matter what, but someone who loves us, yet sees our rough edges and isn't afraid to point them out. Hard as it sounds, we humans don't grow much if we're allowed to remain comfortable. Growth of any sort, especially emotional maturity, requires challenges that force us out of our soft nest and into the reality of life.

In this task of growing, soul mates come and go. There is an old “fake-Buddha” quote that says, “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” I heard this decades ago, and at the time, took it quite literally as meaning that when I was ready to take the next step, someone would come into my life to show me the way. Now, I believe it's more subtle than that. I have had the experience, as I am sure you have, of holding a question or a quest in my mind, and having references to it repeatedly pop up out of the blue. Synchronicity is a very real thing. Sometimes a held question will be answered by someone I hardly know—or by a child, or a total stranger. In that moment, that person is a soul mate—they are shepherding my soul on its journey.

Our soul mate may not be another human being who stands by our side for life. It may, in fact, be an inner resource that reveals to us what we need to know about ourselves in a way that allows us to assimilate the new information. There is a part of the psyche that is called by many names—the Self, the inner physician, the divine spark—that is our guide toward consciousness. It is the voice that speaks to us in dreams and in waking realizations. It moves us along, if we allow it, toward individuation and wholeness. When we find our soul mate within, it does stand beside us for life. Perhaps, even beyond life.

                                                    In the Spirit,

                                                           Jane