Clinging
“The
problem is not desire: it is clinging to, or craving, a particular
outcome, one in which there is no remainder, in which the object is
completely under our power.”
Mark
Epstein, M.D. (Open To Desire: The Truth about What the Buddha
Taught)
Yesterday, I wrote about
desire as life energy. Today I want to unpack that a little bit more.
There is a difference between desire and clinging. I can appreciate,
for instance, a handsome young man. I can even acknowledge that I
feel attracted to him. But the moment I begin to wish for, or crave,
his attention, I begin to suffer. Similarly, I may see a beautiful
woman and enjoy the sight of her lovely, graceful body. But the
moment I begin to feel jealous of her, and wish, either that I looked
like her, or that she were not as pretty as she is, I begin to
suffer. There is freedom and openness in one way of perceiving and
there is pain and negativity in the other.
We are simply born
wanting things. It keeps us striving, and, all too often, it prevents
us from appreciating what we already have. It's almost as if we don't
see our good fortune; we just rush past in pursuit of the next thing.
We develop the unfortunate habit of thinking that we don't have
enough and must, therefore, acquire more. And certainly, our culture
supports that since it is dependent on our continuous spending. This way of
thinking, however, keeps us grasping, and uncomfortable, and eternally
dissatisfied.
There is a conundrum here
in that we want to have goals to work toward, but we don't want to be
too attached to a particular outcome. We want to reach toward the
object of our desire, but we don't want to latch on so hard that we
crush it to death. Holding an image of where we are going and what we
want to achieve, while not being too concrete in how it will look
when we get there takes a light touch. Staying open to serendipity
while remaining focused on the goal necessitates open hands and open
minds. And all of it requires trust—as Einstein stated, “The
most important question you can ever ask is if the universe a
friendly place.” Do you walk the world in trust, or suspicion?
The one you choose makes all the difference.
In the Spirit,
Jane
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