Connections
“I
believe that life is chaotic, a jumble of accidents, ambitions,
misconceptions, bold intentions, lazy happenstances and unintended
consequences, yet I also believe that there are connections that
illuminate our world, revealing its endless mystery and wonder.”
David
Maraniss
Are you one of those
people who has thousands of connections? Two-thousand friends on
Facebook, six different and separate social communities, friends in
ten different countries? Do you receive two hundred emails and a
thousand tweets every day? For many extroverts this kind of
connectedness feels wonderful, energizing and perfect. For
introverts, it's like being buried in an avalanche; stressful,
demanding, and most of all, exhausting. All of us are different, and
it's very important to evaluate how connected we want to be, when,
and with whom.
It's also important to
know which connections refuel us and which ones drain us. We all have
relationships that are necessary, but we dread them because we always
come away feeling bad, sad or angry. There are certain personality
types that push all our buttons and cause us to bite our tongues to
keep from saying truly insulting things. And, there are certain
people in most of our lives who evoke guilt, shame or embarrassment
in us. All these connections are ones we want to limit contact with
if at all possible. And truly toxic relationships are to be avoided
all together even if they are with blood kin. To be sure, it's worth
delving into why this person or that person has the power to push my
buttons, and what is it in me that chooses to feel shame when
confronted by this person—but that's a story for another day.
Just as we all have our
button-pushers, hopefully we also have people in our lives who
energize us. We can be around them for an hour and go away with a
little bounce in our step that we didn't have before. These are
usually people who are optimistic and supportive, who listen to, and
actually hear us, who are fully present when they interact with us,
and not distracted by their technology. These are the folks with whom
we want to increase our exposure. Intimate friendships are a
lifeline. They are our safety net in a chaotic world; the connections
that keep us securely strung together. And, we are theirs.
Actress Gina Bellman, of
Leverage fame, said it this way: “I love those connections that
make this big old world feel like a little village.” Our
village doesn't have to be huge. It can be a little circle of friends
who love us enough to tolerate all the idiosyncrasies,
misconceptions, mistakes and unintended consequences we bring to the
table. And, who are important enough for us to put up with theirs.
In the Spirit,
Jane
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