Trespasses
“As a
Christian...forgiveness—the power and ability to release bitterness
and anger—is a divine attribute...What I can tell you is that
forgiveness has real and lasting power.”
Jordan
Slane Oppelt
Jordan Oppelt answers a
question asked about a spouse's infidelity. The person doing the
cheating has admitted it, and the couple is trying to decide how to
move forward in the face of it. Oppelt recommends more than
forgiveness, of course—couple's therapy and the negotiation of
healthy boundaries in the marriage. But, let's face it, the only way
to truly put this sort of violation behind you, whether you stay
together or not, is to forgive one another. This is true for so many
human transgressions.
There is something about
forgiveness we humans don't like, even though the Bible recommends it
95 times, including in the Lord's prayer—forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those who trespass against us. There is the gut feeling
that forgiveness means that (1) the transgression was not really
damaging to us, or (2) that we're letting the offender off the hook,
and saying that what they did is okay. Our darker angels want to
punish sufficiently enough that the person realizes the depths of
their depravity and suffers on account of it. It's a human
conundrum—the need to punish, and the need to forgive.
Forgiveness, however, is
not for the transgressor. Rather, it is for the one who holds the
bitterness and anger. We absolutely can and do punish others for
their “sins” against us, and we can hurt them just as badly as
they have hurt us. But, in doing so, we compound our own pain, and
poison our body's systems. There are no more toxic emotions than
bitterness and the desire to inflict pain.
We humans are full of
contradictions—we love, we hate, we want to do what is right, and
at the same time, we want to do what is clearly wrong. We are an
enigma and a mystery. The very best we can do is to humble ourselves
and try to live with as much compassion and honesty as we can muster.
Fortunately, forgiveness is in our repertoire of behaviors, so we can
remove the poison from our own hearts, and be lavish in forgiving
both ourselves and others.
In the Spirit,
Jane
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